It's his Birthday, once again. He'd be 26 today. 9 Birthdays in heaven. I can't seem to grasp the concept. This is the day he made me a mom. This is a day of great celebration. And so I enter the day apprehensively. I celebrate the 17 years I had. Once again. Good years. Fun years. Memories. Yet, I grieve at the loss. Once again. The ending. . . so soon. The loss of the future. And I vacillate. I still don't know how to do this. I am still unprepared at how I feel each year. That too is an unknown, until the day arrives. The loss of a child alters all that we ... View Post
It’s Time
There is much going on here. Wedding planning, haying, farming, a parlor and music room renovation. There is stuff everywhere- on the front porch, in the living room, and in the hallway. Change. The rooms have needed work for years. Neglected in the stream of life. But now. It's time. The rooms have been emptied and the wallpaper taken down. And in the corner have sat Elijah's drums. They have gathered dust and been pushed to the corner. They have become a catchall for random items. They have sat. Unused. Neglected. It's been 8 years since they have been played by their ... View Post
There’s a Lot Brewing Here on the Farm Other Than Coffee!
The wind blows and the rain falls. There is a chill in the air after days of warmth. April. Unheard of. Odd. Yet so needed. This year has been full of the unexpected and unmet realities. Sharing early warmth has been delightful. A push to do all the things of summer. Yet, not yet time. So today the rain and chill slow things down a bit. They draw me back to the necessary. Coffee. Planning. Dreaming. More coffee. There has been a lot brewing here on the farm! And it's not just my coffee!!! We are now able to accommodate those folks who want to stop by the farm and pick ... View Post
Another Spin Around the Sun
It's been another spin around the sun for my farmer. 65 to be exact. A celebration. We mark time. Grateful. Trusting for each moment. I don't always do those moments well. I'm trying. To live present. Embrace the now. In joy. Having eyes to see what is right in front of me. It's so easy to miss the beauty. It's so easy to get caught in the race of hurry and miss that which is right in front of you. Moments matter. Insignificant moments are important. Some day those moments may be all you have. So we're celebrating my farmer. Grateful for the time we ... View Post
How Would She Have Known?
How would she have known- that mom at the store? How would she have known that her red headed boy pushing that cart reminded me of my own. Memories of grocery shopping trips flood my mind. The time I knocked over a whole display of Queso? What's up with those flimsy, cardboard displays anyway? How can you maneuver 5 kids, a cart and myself through the store, around those displays? I think of the time I almost left the cart and took the kids out. . . Oh, wait, I did do that. Left the whole cart and apologized to the cashier. I loaded those kids into the car and sat behind the steering ... View Post
Winter Storm
The wind whipped, snow swirled. A real snow storm. Winter Storm. We stoked the outdoor fires and turned on the indoor soapstone. So grateful for home during a storm. Soup simmered on the stove. Banana bread baked. Anything to try to keep this old farmhouse warm. I sat in the dark and quiet. I listened to the sounds of the winter storm. The rattling windows, the wind in the trees, the plow making its rounds. The cows will stay in tonight and my farmer will wake in the night to check on everyone. He'll make sure the fires are hot and then, only then will he crawl back ... View Post
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