10 Years ago today we buried my son. That red headed, fiery temper, witty, handsome boy. My first born. The one who called me mama. Gone. In a moment. I didn't even know it. I don't like to think about that night. It's so painful. A part of me died that night too. I felt it. How can you lose a child? As I stood in front of those police officers. In my dining room, by the farmhouse table. The place we welcome visitors, I received this information. I remember trying to breathe. Conscience of the act. Slow down. Breathe all the air in you ... View Post
The Last Seventeen
She arrived amidst parades, fireworks and cookouts. There was fanfare and hurrying around as the birthing process took a turn for the worse. After the miracle of surgeons and modern technology there she was! Pink, tiny and holy. Our firecracker. Our last. Not that I knew it at the time. But somewhere inside, I knew. The last time. I held her longer; tried to take mental pictures to remember the moments. I didn't want to forget. I wanted to be intentional and slow time. She helped by being a child who cried. . . all the time. So, I held her. Held her longer and tried not ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, Day #6
We took the day off. We finished our chores. My farmer hooked up the outside part of the new boiler and we decided to go for a drive. The balmy 70° weather made us giddy-ok, that may be a stretch. But we intentionally chose to be together and leave the work. This is hard for my farmer. Yet he so enjoys these moments. So, we drove. We talked, a bit. Until I fell asleep. There is something about sunshine in a moving car that lulls me into slumber. It always has. Maybe because I struggle with carsickness, sleep was a default. Or maybe it's because the quiet, the sunshine, the ... View Post
Can We Express Gratitude When Our World is Falling Apart?
I have found that gratitude in all things takes practice. It is a purposeful mind set. Often a change. And we don't like change, do we? Words flow when the sun is shining and the bank account full. Gratitude. Words flow when life feels in balance and manageable. "I praise you Lord, for my job, for a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in." It's like soft butter being spread. Easy. Comforting. Sunshine and roses. Gratitude. How do the words flow when there's death and heartache? Do we reach for gratitude in these times? How do the words flow when you can't seem to make ends ... View Post
10 Birthdays Without You
When we celebrated his 17th birthday, we had no idea it was his last. Who thinks of those things as you enter your Senior year of High School? We were all busy living life and enjoying the moments. Until we weren't. Until on a beautiful summer's night, our son never made it home. And all the living and life stopped as I once knew it. All the things I thought I knew, changed, in a moment. Here we are 9 years later. Celebrating the 10th birthday without our son. 10 birthdays have come and gone. I dread the day when there will be more birthdays without him, than with him. This ... View Post
Easy Summer Squash Casserole
Gathering from the gardens have begun. And while we do not grow a garden on the farm, we are blessed with the bounty from friends! One of our favorite veggies is summer squash and Zucchini! (Honestly, we love all squash!) Whether it's bake, fried or grilled we love it! Here's a simple summer crowd pleaser! ... View Post
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