10 Years ago today we buried my son. That red headed, fiery temper, witty, handsome boy. My first born. The one who called me mama. Gone. In a moment. I didn't even know it. I don't like to think about that night. It's so painful. A part of me died that night too. I felt it. How can you lose a child? As I stood in front of those police officers. In my dining room, by the farmhouse table. The place we welcome visitors, I received this information. I remember trying to breathe. Conscience of the act. Slow down. Breathe all the air in you ... View Post
The Last Seventeen
She arrived amidst parades, fireworks and cookouts. There was fanfare and hurrying around as the birthing process took a turn for the worse. After the miracle of surgeons and modern technology there she was! Pink, tiny and holy. Our firecracker. Our last. Not that I knew it at the time. But somewhere inside, I knew. The last time. I held her longer; tried to take mental pictures to remember the moments. I didn't want to forget. I wanted to be intentional and slow time. She helped by being a child who cried. . . all the time. So, I held her. Held her longer and tried not ... View Post
Choose This Day
Choose this day whom you will serve. Words from Joshua in the bible. Challenging the Israelites to choose. Choose who you will serve- The Gods you once knew, or the God of Heaven and Earth. Joshua and his house chose the Lord. Joshua 24:15 Each day we are faced with a multitude of choices. Split second and some prayed and agonized over. Choices that will affect us, change us. 9 years ago, July 27, 2013. I remember this day so well. So many choices made that day. A choice by the oldest son to go to a shooting match. My farmers split second choice to go watch him. The choice ... View Post
Happy Birthday Ella!
Little did I know when I started this blog all that our lives would endure. That this white screen, for a time, would be my lifeline. Nine years ago, today, I published our first post. A short little clip about our 4th of July baby, Eleanor. She was turning 8. Our oldest son, Elijah, had just graduated from High School. Chelsea the oldest was 8 when Elijah was born. Clarissa was 8 when Eleanor was born. And now, Ella is 8 when our first grandchild would be born. Now Ella is turning 17, the same age her brother was when he met Jesus. His forever age. That first grandchild is ... View Post
My Farmers Mom
This post says it all. My farmers mom. A repost from 2014. She's been gone 20 years today. It is hard to believe we woke that day and moved and worked without knowing what was to come. It is a reminder to love and keep short accounts. It is a reminder that One came as the greatest symbol of love ever known to mankind. He came as a baby with the hope of eternity for all. Shirley, my farmers mom. You are so dearly missed. Yet your legacy of living as a Servant, loving those around you and creating beauty in everything you touched, lives on forever in your beautiful ... View Post
Once Again
It's his Birthday, once again. He'd be 26 today. 9 Birthdays in heaven. I can't seem to grasp the concept. This is the day he made me a mom. This is a day of great celebration. And so I enter the day apprehensively. I celebrate the 17 years I had. Once again. Good years. Fun years. Memories. Yet, I grieve at the loss. Once again. The ending. . . so soon. The loss of the future. And I vacillate. I still don't know how to do this. I am still unprepared at how I feel each year. That too is an unknown, until the day arrives. The loss of a child alters all that we ... View Post
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