It's his Birthday, once again. He'd be 26 today. 9 Birthdays in heaven. I can't seem to grasp the concept. This is the day he made me a mom. This is a day of great celebration. And so I enter the day apprehensively. I celebrate the 17 years I had. Once again. Good years. Fun years. Memories. Yet, I grieve at the loss. Once again. The ending. . . so soon. The loss of the future. And I vacillate. I still don't know how to do this. I am still unprepared at how I feel each year. That too is an unknown, until the day arrives. The loss of a child alters all that we ... View Post
My Red Headed, Hot Tempered, Handsome Boy Would be 22 Today
Psalm 31:8 The LORD says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. He'd be 22 today. His Birthday. My red headed, hot tempered, handsome boy. The boy who made me a mom. The boy I prayed over as I had lost our previous baby. I wonder. I wonder what he'd be doing and what he'd be like. I am sure the rough edges would be softened. But these are not for me to know or experience. His journey was completed on July 28, 2013. Since then I have journeyed a road I did not ask for or pray for. I have walked in faith. I have ... View Post
Learning From Wandering Cows
My farmer brings the cows back to the field. They have been wandering. Stepping over fences. Moving outside their boundaries. It's not the first time. This group pushes and tests the boundaries. Repeatedly. My farmer calls to them. They know him, and hear his voice. He leads them back to safety. We are like those frisky heifers. We're eager to see what is just beyond. To feel there is more; just beyond our reach. The boundaries; set to protect us. Protect us from ... View Post
His Song Is Different Now
The day is done. His birthday over. There was no cake. I couldn't. But one of his friends sent me a picture of one she baked. This mama's heart swelled with gratitude. He is remembered. We tried to have a bonfire; but like last year, the rains came and the heaven's declared their majesty. The beat of the thunder kept cadence with the rain. We gathered on the front porch. We stormed the throne of grace in prayer. Thanksgiving for being held. Strength for the future. Time together. I climbed the stairs to say good night to the ... View Post
Do They Sing Happy Birthday In Heaven?
It's another year. Your birthday. I miss you. You'd be turning 19. You've spent your 18th and now 19th birthday in heaven. Away from me; away from your family- but present with the Lord. What I wouldn't give to celebrate with you. My heart so desperately wants this to be different. To have you here. With us. I won't dance a mother's dance at your wedding. But we'll share a wedding feast some day; grander than anything this earth could provide. Some days the ache is so great I literally propel myself ... View Post
Happy Birthday Mom
Mom would be 78 today. Be grateful for your time. Live. Love. Forgive. Be present, grateful to God, in the moment. ````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` It's my mom's birthday. She would have been 71. Her birthday so near Mother's Day. I would always send her flowers for Mother's Day and a present for her birthday. I remember her last Mother's Day. The woman asked me what I wanted to say on the card. I must have known in my spirit that this would be my ... View Post
