10 Years ago today we buried my son. That red headed, fiery temper, witty, handsome boy. My first born. The one who called me mama. Gone. In a moment. I didn't even know it. I don't like to think about that night. It's so painful. A part of me died that night too. I felt it. How can you lose a child? As I stood in front of those police officers. In my dining room, by the farmhouse table. The place we welcome visitors, I received this information. I remember trying to breathe. Conscience of the act. Slow down. Breathe all the air in you ... View Post
The Last Seventeen
She arrived amidst parades, fireworks and cookouts. There was fanfare and hurrying around as the birthing process took a turn for the worse. After the miracle of surgeons and modern technology there she was! Pink, tiny and holy. Our firecracker. Our last. Not that I knew it at the time. But somewhere inside, I knew. The last time. I held her longer; tried to take mental pictures to remember the moments. I didn't want to forget. I wanted to be intentional and slow time. She helped by being a child who cried. . . all the time. So, I held her. Held her longer and tried not ... View Post
Can We Express Gratitude When Our World is Falling Apart?
I have found that gratitude in all things takes practice. It is a purposeful mind set. Often a change. And we don't like change, do we? Words flow when the sun is shining and the bank account full. Gratitude. Words flow when life feels in balance and manageable. "I praise you Lord, for my job, for a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in." It's like soft butter being spread. Easy. Comforting. Sunshine and roses. Gratitude. How do the words flow when there's death and heartache? Do we reach for gratitude in these times? How do the words flow when you can't seem to make ends ... View Post
10 Birthdays Without You
When we celebrated his 17th birthday, we had no idea it was his last. Who thinks of those things as you enter your Senior year of High School? We were all busy living life and enjoying the moments. Until we weren't. Until on a beautiful summer's night, our son never made it home. And all the living and life stopped as I once knew it. All the things I thought I knew, changed, in a moment. Here we are 9 years later. Celebrating the 10th birthday without our son. 10 birthdays have come and gone. I dread the day when there will be more birthdays without him, than with him. This ... View Post
Choose This Day
Choose this day whom you will serve. Words from Joshua in the bible. Challenging the Israelites to choose. Choose who you will serve- The Gods you once knew, or the God of Heaven and Earth. Joshua and his house chose the Lord. Joshua 24:15 Each day we are faced with a multitude of choices. Split second and some prayed and agonized over. Choices that will affect us, change us. 9 years ago, July 27, 2013. I remember this day so well. So many choices made that day. A choice by the oldest son to go to a shooting match. My farmers split second choice to go watch him. The choice ... View Post
Breakfast
Each morning I rise before dawn. The holy quiet. I get my coffee and rest with the Ancient Word. Before breakfast. Before I break my fast. My soul devours the comforting words. Works that challenge, inspire and speak truth. My spirit is refreshed and hopefully ready for whatever the day may hold. Each day a pilgrimage. Coffee, the Ancient Word. All before the house begins to stir. Before the tyranny of the urgent pulls. I stand before the stove. What to make? Breakfast. Is it blazing hot? Or freezing cold? How many are here? I often have to stop and ... View Post
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