When we celebrated his 17th birthday, we had no idea it was his last. Who thinks of those things as you enter your Senior year of High School? We were all busy living life and enjoying the moments. Until we weren't. Until on a beautiful summer's night, our son never made it home. And all the living and life stopped as I once knew it. All the things I thought I knew, changed, in a moment. Here we are 9 years later. Celebrating the 10th birthday without our son. 10 birthdays have come and gone. I dread the day when there will be more birthdays without him, than with him. This ... View Post
Until it Was Gone
Fear just up and left. I am not kidding. I have felt it living in my bones. Crippling me at times. Needing to grasp and hold on tightly. The moment one of the kids gets into the car. When they are gone for long periods of time. When they want to go to a friends. The constant need for a call; to be in touch. To hear their voice. Secretly wanting them all in the house. In their rooms. Going no where. It has paralyzed me. And I didn't even know it. Looking back, it began the ... View Post
Fragmented to Repurposed
It's broken. This beautiful mug. It came in a package. From Germany. With love. A college room mate. A friend. Packed a box full of love. It made me laugh and cry. A hug from so far away. But one mug was broken. And it made me sad. Until. . . I held the fragments in my hands. Fragments. Fragmented. The way I feel. Most of the time. In pieces. Broken. Useless. Worthless. Spent. Fragmented. The pieces sat on the farm house ... View Post
Learning How To Celebrate
Today we celebrate. Though that term looks different these days. We are going to celebrate. Last year the celebration hard. The effects of chemo and radiation wreaking havoc. The joy thief taking all. So, today we are going to celebrate my farmer. We will celebrate his last year in this decade. We will step into gratitude as we look back over the past year. A year with no chemo or radiation. Strength gained each day. The joy thief held at bay. James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face ... View Post
Umm. . .Our Plans Are Not Going According to What We Thought. . . . Now What?
She's sad. Things are not working out how we expected. And it's hard. What do you do when you've prayed; done the right things. And the answer is no? What do you do when you think this is a plan. And the door. . . closes. Shut. Time is of the essence. Yet, what is time in Christ? We cry. I try to pray. I have no words. Because when your child hurts, often there is no room for words. I know this is more in the lessons of trust. I tell my first born girl this. I dig ... View Post
Learning Not To Fear The Quiet
The sun shines on the newly fallen snow. It has that sparkle. I sit in my bedroom, in the bay window. The warmth from the sun has been beckoning all morning. I have been so cold. It feels good to be warm. I hold the Ancient Word in my lap. I close my eyes. To be quiet in the presence of a Holy God. No requests. No words. Quiet. No lists. No worries. Quiet. I am still. Yet I fear. I fear what He will say. Since the accident. Since the ... View Post
