Little did I know when I started this blog all that our lives would endure. That this white screen, for a time, would be my lifeline. Nine years ago, today, I published our first post. A short little clip about our 4th of July baby, Eleanor. She was turning 8. Our oldest son, Elijah, had just graduated from High School. Chelsea the oldest was 8 when Elijah was born. Clarissa was 8 when Eleanor was born. And now, Ella is 8 when our first grandchild would be born. Now Ella is turning 17, the same age her brother was when he met Jesus. His forever age. That first grandchild is ... View Post
Letting Go, 30 Days of Thankfulness, Day 10
I've begun the process of letting go. The hard work of looking at things and letting them go. You see for years I've held on to everything. Afraid to let it go. I might need it. It might trigger a good memory. It's. all. I. have. In quick succession I lost my past and my future. While I was reconciling my past (my mom). God called part of the future home (son). And I got stuck in that place. He almost allowed the present (my farmer) to be gone too. And in the grief walk process I held on to things, clinging to what has been and that which will never be. The "stuff" is ... View Post
What To Do With Another Birthday
Our Community mourns the loss of another young child. An accident. A bike. A heart ache so deep. We on the farm hurt as we pray for this family and long to ease their ache. Our days have turned to years. 7 years our boy has been gone. Today marks 8 birthdays we've celebrated without him. I never know how to handle this day. Some days I just want to run. Run from the searing pain; The memories and excitement of being a mom. The grace of the years raising children. Other days I want to dig in and remember. To hold tightly to the days and years we had together. I close my eyes and ... View Post
The Deep Ache
The earth groaned as a young one fought. Battles we didn't know. And a family's life now forever changed. The ache is deep and once again a Community grieves. I wail and cry out for the mama's who bury their babies. What kind of burial will there be? How does one grieve in a Pandemic, when isolation is life giving? Or so we thought? I comfort my kids as they rail against another loss. I breathe deep and run to the only source of strength I have left. . . Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in ... View Post
Maybe God Thought America Needed A Reset?
Wow. It's all I can muster these days. Wow. I wonder how these days will go down in history? Will they be known as the days of selfishness and hoarding? Or will we be known for turning Panic to Peace? And Fear to Faith? Maybe America needed a reset? Will the news be filled with acts of kindness far beyond the scope of imagination? Or will we hear of greed and senseless acts of harm? As farmers, the day to day will continue. Animals need to be fed. Chores need to be done. A routine. A rhythm. A steady beat our oldest son seemed to thrive on. Our nation; our world is facing ... View Post
The Days Weigh Heavy
There's so much going on. The days weigh heavy. Decisions. Work. Finances. Never ending. And panic rises. I feel it. I stuff and stuff. Not wanting to feel. My immune system fights off a cold. I cough. I cry. My eye is red and swollen. There is nothing easy these days. The days weigh heavy. Milk production continues to fall while our monthly cost of feed increases. Each turn is blocked. Cost versus production is high and we're slipping. Day by day. Further behind. A train wreck inevitable. We're tired. We've been struggling for so long. My farmer is weary. Weary ... View Post
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