Things don't always go my way. Imagine that? I should be used to that by now. So, when things go awry why am I surprised? Why is my response, anxiety or anger? I wonder sometimes about my posture. Who am I serving? Where is my faith? If I truly believe this God that I say I serve, then why do I get anxious, or nervous? If He is able to walk us through the darkest of nights he can also handle the details. Yet, I still struggle to trust; To truly trust. To keep the thoughts quiet. I tend to voice all that is on my mind. Nary a secret kept. I think it; and it ... View Post
It’s Time
There is much going on here. Wedding planning, haying, farming, a parlor and music room renovation. There is stuff everywhere- on the front porch, in the living room, and in the hallway. Change. The rooms have needed work for years. Neglected in the stream of life. But now. It's time. The rooms have been emptied and the wallpaper taken down. And in the corner have sat Elijah's drums. They have gathered dust and been pushed to the corner. They have become a catchall for random items. They have sat. Unused. Neglected. It's been 8 years since they have been played by their ... View Post
How Would She Have Known?
How would she have known- that mom at the store? How would she have known that her red headed boy pushing that cart reminded me of my own. Memories of grocery shopping trips flood my mind. The time I knocked over a whole display of Queso? What's up with those flimsy, cardboard displays anyway? How can you maneuver 5 kids, a cart and myself through the store, around those displays? I think of the time I almost left the cart and took the kids out. . . Oh, wait, I did do that. Left the whole cart and apologized to the cashier. I loaded those kids into the car and sat behind the steering ... View Post
Farmhouse Musings
Soup simmers on the stove. The weather is mild. No sunshine. But no chilling wind either. I hang the sheets in hopes they will dry. A friends daughter was here so I could help her with her school work The table is littered with tax work and book work. There is laundry to fold. And I want to hold tightly to these moments. I want to slow down. I want to sit with the here and now. I want to count every moment holy. I want to be content in all things. Content with the messy table and dishes still to wash. Not wanting something else, not longing for something that is not mine to ... View Post
It’s Been Another Year
It's been another year. I can't believe it. 8 years. Where has the time gone? I saw a purple Nutcracker in the store the other day. I laughed. I would have bought it for you. You would have loved it. I can hear your laughter; even now. You made Christmas so magical mom. I've sat many nights in my parlor remembering our Christmas's on Putnam Street and then in your log cabin. Our tree resembles nothing of those tinsel, garland covered giants growing up. I loved coming downstairs and smelling the piney scent. I loved the stillness and glow of the colored lights. I will ... View Post
Sometimes the Naming is Hard, 30 Days of Thankfulness, Day 28
Sometimes the Naming is hard. 7 years and 4 months without our son, sometimes makes the naming hard. It still catches me off guard. The grief. The ache. The longing. A reordering of how life should be. There's room where there should not be. And the Naming of that for which I am grateful is work. Practice. A soul work. Because when the words do not flow and the heart hurts the desire to focus inward often trumps all else. I sit with the ache for a few days. It's Thanksgiving and there is food to make and pies to bake. And my heart just longs for a glimpse of my red headed ... View Post
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