Soup simmers on the stove. The weather is mild. No sunshine. But no chilling wind either. I hang the sheets in hopes they will dry. A friends daughter was here so I could help her with her school work The table is littered with tax work and book work. There is laundry to fold. And I want to hold tightly to these moments. I want to slow down. I want to sit with the here and now. I want to count every moment holy. I want to be content in all things. Content with the messy table and dishes still to wash. Not wanting something else, not longing for something that is not mine to ... View Post
Here, I Linger
I shut off the lights. It's been a long day. Yet, I linger here. Here, where the heady scent of pine transports me to days gone by. I'm drowsy. The shadows play in my mind. Funny how night and sleepiness will do that. A mystical balance between wakefulness and slumber. I breathe in. Peace and joy. A time when I wondered if I would ever feel anything ever again. Here. I sit. In the quietness. This tree a symbol of life; in the same spot my son lay before we laid him in the ground. Death and life so closely intertwined. Yet life wins. Death has been conquered. I Corinthians ... View Post
Keep On, Keeping On
The words on the pole begin to fade. The area around the site; bare. The remnant of something. Unknown to passers by. A cross. 3 flags. A memorial, one thinks. Each drive along that route, I cry out to the Father. I ask for mercy in this process. I beg for the pain to be softened. I long to know why. Yet I don't remain there. There is still purpose and work left to do here. The tension of how to move on and remember, pull. A desire to hide from all that is moving on; strong. Effort made each day to surrender my ... View Post
I Chose An Evening Stroll. How Do You Choose?
It's getting late. Some days farm work feels like it will never end. The cows need more feed. There is not enough grass. It is so hard to stay optimistic. It's a nice night. It is just Ella and I. So we head up to the barn. We walk through the field. The field Elijah and I worked in. The field we wrapped and stacked bales. The memories are so vivid and real. Dobie comes with a load of manure for the pack barn. The rhythm of the day. The comradery of farming neighbors. We chat for a bit. The farmer smiles.Yes, ... View Post
My Soul Is Well
It's the future that echoes. The hollow emptiness that will ever be. It's what all parent's feel at the loss of their child; of a loved one held dear. It tears and pulls at the heart. A daily struggle to rise and count the grace given for the moment. It is deep anguish thrashing to consume. Stepping towards hope against the raging current. Your son ripped from you in a moment. Searing loss. Moments that can never be again. It's been 9 months. The tears come wrapped in a cocoon of grace. The shattered fragments of my heart held tightly ... View Post
All Clutter Is Not Equal
My brother and his wife are coming for a visit. Now I have known they were coming. But it's not until the last minute that I decide to clean and make a plan. We are celebrating Christmas. I still haven't wrapped the presents. It's almost March. I have wrapped some; but the rest still lie buried under piles of stuff in my room. What makes us all so different? How do some have such ordered and clean homes? Everything is fixed and nice and neat. Everything in its place. ( My college room mate Carol, would continually ... View Post
