Even if. . . Those words. It's how she strings them together with other words that pierces my heart. Even if, the answer isn't what I long for. Even if. . . I know the even if. . . Even if my son is killed in the middle of the night on a lonely, dark road. . . Even if my farmer gets cancer. . . Even if our barns blow down. . . Even if. . . God is still good. Do you know the Even if. . . too? Does your heart long for that which it may never have? Are there the cries of your heart that remain unanswered. Even if. . . can you still praise him? Even if. . . can you still ... View Post
When it Hurts so Badly
The light permeates the dark. The glow magical. The stockings are hung. The tree decorated. Lists are made. We've gathered with friends and caught up on life. The Christmas Carols play in the back round. Christmas Cards line the walls. The Advent Candles are lit and the preparations for the Birth of our Savior are well under way. Yet, here I sit. My heart aching. I can't deny it. I can't run from it. The ache and pain of loss is real. There's no escaping the absence and emptiness felt. The loss of a child represents loss of future. We spend the rest of our lives adjusting ... View Post
Hot Coffee and Cooler Weather
It's happened. Days without the humidity! Hot coffee. Cooler weather. Sunshine. A light breeze. Oh my. Coffee tastes so good in this weather. I notice the trees. I straighten the porch swing. Maybe a few days without rain will keep it dry enough to be able to swing. Someday we'll replace the tin roof that leaks. Someday. For now. I will just cherish this stretch of cooler weather. I will sip my Hot Coffee and breathe. Hay is down. We're so short on hay. It's been a horrible year for us. I'm not stepping into fear. I don't know what the future holds; but I know who ... View Post
If You Only Had 5 Days Left; Would You Do Anything Differently?
He had only 5 days left here on this earth. For in the early hours of July 28, 2013 he would meet his Savior. I wasn't there. He left home excited to see his girl friend. He looked into my eyes; those baby blues. He said, "Bye, don't worry." The next time I saw him, he was still; lifeless, in a pine box. I live each day without my oldest son. I work each day to seek the good God has given to us. Grief never leaves. It's here to stay. But what I do with that grief is my choice. With God's help I am learning to trust, to live, to praise. My eyes flutter open to the ... View Post
The Early Morning Sky Day #12 of Thankfulness
I step outside to collect greens for centerpieces. It is dark and quiet. There is a chill in the air. I glance up. "Oh!" The early morning sky takes my breath away. Stars upon stars. A glorious sight. I marvel at the sheer number. I turn and turn; I can't seem to grasp the magnitude. Each direction is filled with the luminous, shimmering, light. I wish I knew more of the constellations. Stargazing in the city was quite different than the country. I stand in awe. It's cold. I need to gather greens. I feel small. This great sky looming before me. I feel insignificant beneath ... View Post
Are You Really Ready?
They're building at the accident site. Someone has put a Quilt Show sign right in front of the pole. I am sure they have no idea that the heart of a 17 year old ceased to beat in that space. That the ground holds his blood. But the sacredness of that space is temporal. His spirit was gathered in a cloud and whisked to the holy of holy's. Reigning now with the King of all Kings. A life time is being lived while part of me still remains; there. She looks me in the eyes. This wise teenager. So different from the others. Sensitive. Stylish. Hard working. She leans over and says ... View Post
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