Gone is the sunshine streaming through my window at 4:30 am beckoning me to the day. Darkness now permeates the waking hour. It is a welcome respite in many ways. I hunker down for a few extra minutes relishing the warmth under the covers. My farmer has been long gone to the barn. Rising early to milk the cows. I could stay here longer; but I don't. My feet hit the cold floor and I make my way to the kitchen. Hot coffee awaits; grateful for my farmer. I head to the Ancient Word. Moments of quiet and restoration. I begin to prepare for the day. These quiet moments nourish my ... View Post
The Words Have Not Flowed
The words have not flowed. I struggle to quiet myself long enough to write. So much has been happening. I delve into the Psalms and scripture longing to string thoughts together. Nothing comes. The pages remain blank. There was a starkness in my heart as the Winter progressed. The snow fell. Temperatures fell well below zero. Many days our boiler was out. We didn't have enough wood. I was cold. Our toilet stopped flushing and we have had to bucket flush for months. Milk prices continued to fall. The bank would not lend us any more money to finish the barn. Months had passed ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, Change, Day #7
The Demo has started. Years of memories and treasured living; changing. I am Thankful for those memories. Honestly. It's too many changes. Change is hard. It is an unwelcome companion right now. But, God is at work. I can not see what He is doing. He is keeping it from me. The story is not over. I know He is doing something. I am Thankful: That God is at work He is bigger than all my fears His story is better than mine For friends who continue to hold us up for my coffee buddy- I am so grateful God sent him our way for coffee and a fire on these cold ... View Post
It’s Been Called A Sufferfest.
It is easy to get discouraged in the journey of life; a sufferfest, to use a word I read the other day. Money, time, relationships can all be a drain. Sometimes the hits come repeatedly and you find yourself barely hanging on. You cry out to the Lord. You reach out to friends. You watch the sunset. You work to restore your aching soul. Grief continues to be like that; an ebb and flow in a sea of life. Unpredictable. Some days the memories bring great joy and comfort. Other days the memories are a haunting reminder of what has been lost. These past few weeks have been that roller ... View Post
If You Only Had 5 Days Left; Would You Do Anything Differently?
He had only 5 days left here on this earth. For in the early hours of July 28, 2013 he would meet his Savior. I wasn't there. He left home excited to see his girl friend. He looked into my eyes; those baby blues. He said, "Bye, don't worry." The next time I saw him, he was still; lifeless, in a pine box. I live each day without my oldest son. I work each day to seek the good God has given to us. Grief never leaves. It's here to stay. But what I do with that grief is my choice. With God's help I am learning to trust, to live, to praise. My eyes flutter open to the ... View Post
Changes
The changes keep coming. I want time to breathe deep. To surrender all the pain. To reconcile the new. There's no time. One after the other they have come. Changes. Our parents home has sold. The closing in the next few days. I remember my mom sitting on her screened in porch. Reading. She loved that porch. A new family will take ownership. They will create their own memories. They will decorate and plant plants. They will store items in the shed my dad built. The gathering place. Changed. I honestly don't know what to feel. It will be 5 years since this whirl wind ... View Post
