The light permeates the dark. The glow magical. The stockings are hung. The tree decorated. Lists are made. We've gathered with friends and caught up on life. The Christmas Carols play in the back round. Christmas Cards line the walls. The Advent Candles are lit and the preparations for the Birth of our Savior are well under way. Yet, here I sit. My heart aching. I can't deny it. I can't run from it. The ache and pain of loss is real. There's no escaping the absence and emptiness felt. The loss of a child represents loss of future. We spend the rest of our lives adjusting ... View Post
It’s Turning; Changing
The weather is changing. Turning. I can feel it in the air. A thin crispness, that wasn't there before. Summer turning to Fall. The change is there. I am not ready for the seasons to turn! I feel like I haven't had summer. I have allowed way too many things to crowd our days and schedule. Things I thought were good for the kids. Yet here we are. The College Girl is back at school, the Dancer Girl begins her High School career. And I'm exhausted. Why and how does this happen? How do I allow myself to turn the Ordained into Stress. How do I create days with no margin? When will ... View Post
Hot Coffee and Cooler Weather
It's happened. Days without the humidity! Hot coffee. Cooler weather. Sunshine. A light breeze. Oh my. Coffee tastes so good in this weather. I notice the trees. I straighten the porch swing. Maybe a few days without rain will keep it dry enough to be able to swing. Someday we'll replace the tin roof that leaks. Someday. For now. I will just cherish this stretch of cooler weather. I will sip my Hot Coffee and breathe. Hay is down. We're so short on hay. It's been a horrible year for us. I'm not stepping into fear. I don't know what the future holds; but I know who ... View Post
Changes
The changes keep coming. I want time to breathe deep. To surrender all the pain. To reconcile the new. There's no time. One after the other they have come. Changes. Our parents home has sold. The closing in the next few days. I remember my mom sitting on her screened in porch. Reading. She loved that porch. A new family will take ownership. They will create their own memories. They will decorate and plant plants. They will store items in the shed my dad built. The gathering place. Changed. I honestly don't know what to feel. It will be 5 years since this whirl wind ... View Post
‘Seeing’, What Lies Ahead
A new year has begun. Unmarred. Fresh. New. These past few years have been hard. The passing of the old, a reminder of time. Time moving forward without those we have loved so dearly. Learning how to live; differently. Breathing. In and out. One foot in front of the other. Searching for hope. Choosing joy. Standing on solid ground. I will admit it has been a hard year. Folks have moved on. Their lives not impacted much by the loss. Our loss. Another grief walk, as we said Good Bye to my dad. All while life is ebbing forward. I find it hard to commit. Staying on task has ... View Post
The Early Morning Sky Day #12 of Thankfulness
I step outside to collect greens for centerpieces. It is dark and quiet. There is a chill in the air. I glance up. "Oh!" The early morning sky takes my breath away. Stars upon stars. A glorious sight. I marvel at the sheer number. I turn and turn; I can't seem to grasp the magnitude. Each direction is filled with the luminous, shimmering, light. I wish I knew more of the constellations. Stargazing in the city was quite different than the country. I stand in awe. It's cold. I need to gather greens. I feel small. This great sky looming before me. I feel insignificant beneath ... View Post
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