What are you waiting for? The question seems to hover. Ideas and thoughts run through my head. Yet, somehow, I am paralyzed to move forward. Excuses. Walls. Fear. And I wonder, What am I waiting for? I have learned how fragile life is. I know deep loss and unbearable ache. I know time is short. But how do you make the best of it? Do you search for the unknown and take all kinds of risks? Or do you slowly, safely make your way through? What are you waiting for? The question haunts me. Am I motivated by fear or faith? I have never been a risk taker and I don't like to ... View Post
What Is Your Legacy?
Do you think about your legacy? I try to walk by faith; keeping my focus heavenward- On Jesus. I try to surrender my will. Pray for strength. Ask for forgiveness. I fall short. Each and every day. I don't live up to the expectations I know I should. I fail. Every single day. I can't keep the house clean. I can't cook the food fast enough, with enough for everyone or in the way everyone likes. I can't ever finish the laundry, book work or chores. I fail every day. And every day I am reminded of my failures because they are in front of me. The dirty house, unfinished ... View Post
They’re Both Gone
Both of my boys are gone. Both left the same way. The clothes on their backs, their wallets and a hug for their mama. So much the same. Yet different. That oldest farm boy, a Poole in the delayed entry program for the Marines, never came back. He hugged me good bye. His gaze lingered with mine, and out the door he went. He never came home. His bed empty. Clothes on the floor just as he left them. Gone. Forever. Leaving me with an ache that still cuts like a knife. Now the second born farm boy. He leaves too. Clothes on the floor, just as he left them. The feeling so ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, He’s Leaving too, Day #29
I watch him as he drives. He leaves in 5 days. He is heading where his brother was supposed to go. I breathe in deeply. I can't stop the tears from coming; even if I tried. Sometimes I'm so tired of trying not to cry. It takes so much energy to breathe slowly, open my eyes wide and keep the tears from flowing. You see our second born son enlisted in the United States Marine Corps. He leaves for Parris Island on Sunday morning. I struggle to make sense of this. One son is gone. He resides in heaven. His recruiting officer said, "He had a higher calling. " Even now I feel the pit ... View Post
All You Need Is Hot Coffee And A Visit
The Sky was heavy with clouds. Hurricane Irma was predicted to make land fall in the next couple of days in the Southern part of our country. My heart was as heavy as the clouds in the sky. Even the steaming cup of coffee couldn't break through the heaviness. Grief was encamped in my soul. It slithered and snuck up when least expected. A headache gripped my being. I sat at the farmhouse table wrestling with the check book. My phone rang; a blocked caller. I declined the call. My farmer and son had come in to get out of the chill. I offered them little in comfort. A stove that ... View Post
It’s Turning; Changing
The weather is changing. Turning. I can feel it in the air. A thin crispness, that wasn't there before. Summer turning to Fall. The change is there. I am not ready for the seasons to turn! I feel like I haven't had summer. I have allowed way too many things to crowd our days and schedule. Things I thought were good for the kids. Yet here we are. The College Girl is back at school, the Dancer Girl begins her High School career. And I'm exhausted. Why and how does this happen? How do I allow myself to turn the Ordained into Stress. How do I create days with no margin? When will ... View Post
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