The halls echo with a strange familiarity. The routine. Tests, scans, dr's visits. Forced date days. Side by side in waiting rooms. Small cubicles. Waiting; for tests, for results, for decisions. Side by side. Usually, I am eager to send out updates. To include the larger circle. For prayer. For support. This time. I couldn't. I couldn't type the words. I couldn't make the phone calls. I think the journey has just become too weary. But how can that be? We serve a Mighty God. A God who has allowed all things to filter first, through His hands. If I am walking hand in hand ... View Post
More Waiting
She too waits. This sister in law of mine. Sister of my farmer. Who walks the road of grief. It's been six months since she stood at the grave. She waits now for biopsy results. Abnormal normal cells; growth on her thyroid. We are guaranteed nothing in this world. Only God's love. It's the constant. It's truth. There is cancer. In her thyroid. And it feels for a moment that the earth has shifted. Tilted. She tells me a funny joke before she tells me the results of the tests. Much like ... View Post
Rays of Sunshine
The sun streams through the one window not covered by blankets. My farmer is finishing up chores. The farm boy has come in to play guitar and unwind before he heads to school. How that boy is changing. He is shaking off the ways of this world; letting of of the anger and hurt. Reaching for the holy and true. Slowly the sharp edges are becoming smooth. A bit of grace on the farm. The milk checks grow thinner. The transition date seems miles away. The cold settles in. Much to lead to the path of ... View Post
I Will Trust In You
He takes my hand. That farmer of mine. I ask him how he is. He says fine. See, he lives by the thought; If I live; Great. If I die; Better. He asks me how I am? I begin to weep. You see, because I don't want to lose him. Because I am tired. I am weary. I am tired of bad news. I know there is good in everything. I seek that which is good. But today. For the moment. I am not fine. I am sad. I am scared. I am numb. The CT scan showed some ... View Post
When Your Prayers Aren’t Answered. . . The Way You Wanted
I wake to overcast skies. The dreariness overwhelming. I blink back the tears that threaten to spill over. The pull to stay in bed; real. I dig for the Praises. I begin to name them one by one. There really are so many. I seek to push through. It's the only way. I read my journey of this day last year. June 2, 2014. My heart gains courage. I step into the kitchen. It is so cold. I grab a steaming (literally) cup of coffee and settle on to the couch wrapped in flannel pajama's and a shining hope. I begin to peck out my ... View Post
She’s Growing Up And I Am Powerless to Stop It
She flashes those baby blues. She is beautiful. She has grown inches over the past year. All the kids have. Death and cancer have that effect. Her tender heart still unsure. Her writing reflecting her struggle. She turns 12 today. Her last year before the teens. And I marvel at how she has grown. How this little baby born on one of the holiest of nights, has turned into a lovely young woman. Her smile lights up a room. She is the first to snuggle of all our kids. Her ... View Post
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