We gathered. Together. Our family. Changed. In so many ways. The ebb and flow of life. It thrills. It hurts. We press on. Reaching for what is truth; for what is real. Searching for meaning. The loss of a child. The sequential order; interrupted. Life, defied. A gash, a hole, an emptiness. It can't be repaired. It can't be replaced. Yet, somehow a filling begins. Slowly. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with others. Grief is work. The Holy Spirit softly and quietly fills and soothes the ache. The roaring pain eased. It will surface again and again. But for a ... View Post
The Holiest of Nights . . I Gave Birth
Her blue eyes twinkle. Her laugh contagious. She was born on the Holiest of nights. Her time within my womb one of my sweetest memories. A surprise. In the midst of grief. A reminder to pause and be grateful. Slow it down. Pause and wonder at it all. How did Mary feel? How did she travel those roads? I reveled in modern comforts and ease. She came on the Holiest of Nights. After the stockings were hung. After I had called it a day. Her arrival announced. A disruption around us. The first child born with out my beautiful mother in law. She came forth and we named her ... View Post
I sit, in the Midst of the Chaos
The towel is over my shoulder. Waffles are warming in the oven. The farmhouse kitchen is a wreck. So is every other room in this old Farmhouse. The floors, table, ottoman. Cluttered. Papers, socks. . . the vacuum. A trail of the day metered out as if to find the way. 'The way where," I ask? Where are we going? Where are we headed? I sit. In the midst of the chaos. In the midst of a mile long list. I sit. The youngest farm girl switched Pandora to a Classical Christmas Station. The usual Christmas music changed up a bit. Not familiar. Different. Beautiful. So, I ... View Post
Finding Strength in Those Memories
When I close my eyes; memories swirl. So much delight. Joy; In the midst of work. I rest in those times. Moments that have made me who I am. Moments that have shaped my faith and choices in this journey. Today marks the 15th Anniversary since my mother in laws passing. A night etched in my memory. So sudden. My absolute best friend, role model, encourager and nurturer. She was the glue that held so many of us together. How I still long to hear her voice. Ask her advice. Sit at her farmhouse table drinking hot coffee, while wrestling with life questions. Her strength spurs me ... View Post
Looking for Joy
The emptiness lingers. The loss of a child. The days march on. The ebb and flow of life. There, in the space, lies the ache. Continual. The child we bore. No more. Their laughter and joy. Snuffed out so soon. The veil between heaven and earth so close. A breath away. The ache can pull one under. A conscience choice each day to step forward in grace. Advent begins again. 4 Advents since he left. 4 Christmases of reaching to hold on. Hope. Love. Today joy. The tree is in. Light illuminates this dark farmhouse. They twinkle and gleam. The house. Transformed; by ... View Post
Seek and You Shall Find Him
My mom's favorite time of year. She would transform her log cabin into the "Christmas House". Lights and magic happened there. Somehow she wove the magic and holiness of Christmas together in a beautiful package. A night when Heaven met earth; where a Jolly man dressed in red gave all he had. These two beliefs rooted deeply. Her presence lit up a room. Much like her grandson. Today. It's been 4 years since she drew her last breath. Surrounded by my dad and my sister in law, the Lord reached down to bring her to his side. An agonizing death. The clutches of cancer refusing to ... View Post
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