Elijah. They say his name. Cleaning out a closet they find something that was his. Elijah. I just want to hear his name called. I miss saying it. You see when your son is taken. Things change. So when they mention his name. My heart skips a beat. 17 years of memories. His future just beginning. Hope. I long for that which I can not have. We're going to the drive in. A place I have avoided. A place I have tried to find excuses not to go. So far. It's ... View Post
Turning Father’s Day Right Side Up
Rising early each morning, my farmer heads to the barn. Never complaining. Morning his favorite time. He's never upset to milk alone. He takes his time. Enjoying the quiet. Our children have appreciated this time as well. Moments spent with their father beneath a sea of stars. The chill of the early morning; stimulating. Walking with purpose. Cows to bring to the barn. Wildlife. Unfamiliar sounds. All part of the memory. Our journey to Organic Certification complete. It has been quite an ... View Post
Forced Seclusion Begins a Much Needed De-Cluttering
I'm forced to seclusion. My allergies overpowering. My air conditioned bedroom; my reprieve. Haying, lawn mowing, beautiful blossoms; all causing me discomfort. So, I head to my bedroom. On a gloriously sunny day. I am forced to look at the clutter. The piles of clothes. The boxes of paper. Most of it needing to go. I begin the process. Cards sent when our world shattered. When our first born son was called to glory at 17. When cancer threatened to take a good man down. When the joy thief knocked ... View Post
When You Become the Same Age as Your Brother
He's turning 17. That farm boy. The same age as his brother. No longer here. The two so similar. Yet so different. My heart aches. The farm boy is full of ideas. So creative. Full of energy and youth. He loves deeply. Plays hard. Confident. Yet is haunted by the joy thief. He rises to fight. He digs deep to keep two feet planted. He's growing corn; trading vehicles. Making payments on a tractor. Building his future. Yet these things he holds lightly in view of ... View Post
Do You Ever Feel Like You’re Just Spinning Plates?
You know that time, just before the sunrise? When there seems to be a hush. Time stands still before the day break. Yeah. I missed it. I slept until 6:41. I woke with a splitting headache. I wanted to burrow back under the covers. You see. I love to sleep. I LOVE to go to bed. I look forward all day to going to bed. I may have written about this once or twice. I love to climb in to bed. Book in hand. Words woven into story or thought before me. Quiet. A time when it's ok to ... View Post
Saying Good Bye is Never Easy
The call came early Monday morning. A week ago. Memorial Day. The catch in his voice. I knew. I hoped it was something else. Some other reason. My brother had called to share that our beloved Dad had journeyed to be with the Lord. Gone; from this earth. That deep ache; the constant pain rubbed raw. Another loss. The walk of grief well worn. The path of gratitude in need of work. I begin the journey to my dad. This time to say good bye. Making arrangements all so familiar. My ... View Post
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