Discouragement. Do you ever struggle? It creeps in uninvited. It is different than depression. In some ways worse. It is the tool the enemy uses when he can find no other way. Our Cedric has descended into the pit of discouragement. It is painful to watch. In his world nothing is going right. And he's right. So much is, oh so wrong. So many changes for one so young. As adults we are struggling; how in the face of youth do you take on these monumental burdens? Cedric has a desire to work this farm; it runs deep through his ... View Post
The Only Light That Matters
We put up mom and dad's tree. Do I not say "mom's" anymore? This is so mom's home. Every inch of it. We all feel it. Without her here, it's not the same. We decorate the tree. The kids come to help. Funny how here, they willingly participate, while at home it's a battle. We finish with the angel; a little crooked. We need a ladder; but it's time to quit for the night. Everyone leaves and I put the kids to bed. I stand in front of the tree. The lights twinkling, illuminating the darkness. I remember years gone by. When I was young, our tree was always so beautiful. It was a delight for ... View Post
Treasuring Those Memories, When They Are All You Have Left
This is the first time I have been to my parents since Elijah met Jesus. This first time since we have needed to provide full time care for our father. Now it is time to go. Leaving is always hard. I miss home. Yet I will miss here. I have had so much fun with my dad. I always have. He has always, next to Jesus, been my hero. My farmer ranks right up there too. 2 Men who are so vastly different. Both have my heart. I wish dad would come with me to Vermont. But he won't. And really, it's not ... View Post
God Works In Moments
The house echos without her presence. There is something so desperately missing. The kids say it on the way in. "I miss Nana greeting us at the door, Abbey too." This log cabin; this was her pride and joy. Oh, how she loved her home. She cared for it with a tenderness and love like no one else. She so appreciated everything about this place. She loved being in the country; she loved to sit on her front porch. It's funny to think how different we are. She loved to work and work to make the house so clean and perfect. And then she would sit and read in her chair and enjoy. I ... View Post
The Name Above All Names
Elijah. I just want to say his name. I want to holler through the house; it's time for dinner, or get down here and pick up your things. I want to say his name and hear his voice. I want to buy him a Christmas present and fill his stocking. My soul wishes for this not to be. The deep searing pain resurfacing. The loss permeating all that I do. Oh, how I miss him. Oh, how everything in me resonates that this is wrong. How can the God of the universe, that called all into being, have this be my path? It has been a year since mom died. A ... View Post
How Worry Is NOT My Constant Companion
Today we head to the hospital. The questions we have had; answered. The preparation for chemo and radiation will begin. I do not know what this journey will hold. My spirit is weary with grieving. Yet in my weariness, as I pass the pole, I see someone has placed a cross. I am later told it was Alaria, Elijah's girlfriends sister. My weariness is from the unknown. But worry has not been my companion. Great sorrow, deep agony; Yes, they follow me. But worry has fled in the face of peace. Because peace has also been my faithful and constant ... View Post
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