It's less than 10 days- he would have had here on this earth. We had no idea. These days were his last. Each moment priceless. I step forward each day . Missing. Yet needing to press on. Washing, cleaning, cooking. Bills, groceries; life. Life that is holy. Purposeful. I check in with the kids and ask how they are. The sweet girl, more woman than girl, says she's fine. I push her. She looks at me and says, really, I am fine. He's better off. It's where I want to be. She's lost so ... View Post
Digging Deep; Just Not In Soil
The sun peaks through the clouds. It is still a little cool. We women gather on the farmhouse lawn. Steam rises from mugs of hot coffee and tea. We dig deep into the Word. Wrestling with how to live as Christ. Verse by verse we unpack the wisdom. There is openness and sharing. Women in community. I gaze around the group. One I mentored. Now married with a young child. Another visiting from out of state. Friends I know well. Some, the friendship, just unfolding. Women. Seeking to live differently. A ... View Post
I Snapped The Memory
I wake and I can feel the oppression. It is heavy. The weight of loss; the ache. Sometimes it's so hard to pray. I don't know what to say. It feels trivial. I've said it a hundred times already. God please be with me. Please, do not leave me. I pray Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. I say the verse over and over. I long for Him to strengthen me. To hold ... View Post
Being Molded Hurts
My washing machine is broken. It's been that way since Saturday. It's a 5 minute fix. A sensor that has repeatedly needed to be replaced over the past 4 years. 5 days, so far, of no laundry. With 6 people, a dairy farm and hot and humid weather this is a stinky situation. It is also one that is testing me to the core. I don't like the answer I was given. To wait one week to have a washer serviced is unacceptable in my book. I have paid for a maintenance warranty. I have expectations. They tell me I have options. I can rent a washer. My farmer says no. The last time the technicians ... View Post
How To Be Open And Ready
It's going to be hot. But there is a threat of rain. It amazes me how quickly our weather can change. The day will begin gorgeous and turn to torrents of rain in a moment. That volatility is what I feel with my emotions. Some days I am strong. I can make it through. I breathe deep and I can feel the power of the Holy Spirit giving strength. Other days I am consumed with a deep stabbing ache. Grief is hard work. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Our country; the church, have done a shameful thing in rushing ... View Post
Dear Elijah
Dear Elijah, Just writing your name warms my heart. It's been so long since I have heard your voice; cooked your favorite meals; watched you while you worked; or listened while you debated the issues of this world. The farm was visited once again by unmeasurable grace. A man who walks with bowed knee to the King of Kings, bringing the fullness of Christ once again to this farm. The hands and feet of Jesus. The body of Christ. I watched in sheer wonder as they replaced the porch. A boost. An encouragement. Grace. It is so ... View Post
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