There are so many changes on the Horizon. Graduation. Our parents home has sold. Change of seasons. I dig in and recoil. It's too much. I can feel the anxiety. I can feel the uncertainty. I snap at a question. My heart is weighed down. The weather is not helping. Haying is late. Money is tight. The farm chores extend late. Equipment to fix. Pastures to fence. A constant flow of work. It's been 46 months. Time sometimes the enemy. I feel the knot in my stomach. I have never been a worrier. I usually take things in stride. Things have slowly changed and I feel the ... View Post
Even in the Rush. . . We Can Slow it Down
The sun shone this weekend. For the whole weekend. There were no extra activities. Time seemed to slow. No rushing. Dinner with friends. The farm boy playing music. Time with my farmer. There was hand holding. Time to talk. Slow. Last minute guests at the guest house. Sheets on the line. Book work. Time for listening and dreaming. A fire at my partner in crime's home. Coffee. Slow. Soaking in the sun. Compost delivery. A ride in the truck to visit neighbors. No ... View Post
My Name is Tammy and I Make my Bed Everyday
I haven't showered. Laundry is piled on the floor. Book work stacked on the table and in piles. It's tax time you know. And the beat of that clock is ticking. I can feel it. I make my bed. Yes. In the middle of all the chaos. There is one thing. Constant. I make my bed. What does that say about me? I am sure psycho therapists would have a field day. Of all the things that need to get done. I make my bed. Every day. With out fail. I wash my sheets too. Almost ... View Post
Alone
Alone. That's how I find myself this week. Plans to spend time with the youngest. Changed. And now. Alone. At first. I do not know how to react. Alone. In a room. A clean room. 2 beds. Meals prepared. Solid biblical preaching. All alone. My own schedule. Clean towels everyday. Coffee. Everywhere. In the room. In the lobby. In the dining hall. Alone. I don't do alone. I find someone to accompany me to the store. I fight off the panic that ... View Post
A re- working of All In The Same Moment
We had been in Maine. We came home. It was so quiet. No white tornado puppy to great us. I had been thinking about our home going and what it would be like. How quickly my son would experience that journey. Each step of every day draws me closer to the anniversary of the day. We attended a Birthday for a sweet family friend. We sang Happy Birthday and she opened her presents. On the TV ran photos of my children when they were little. Pictures of Elijah. His blue eyes ... View Post
Here’s To Mom’s
Here's to moms who've lost a child. Whose hearts have teetered on the edge. Whose world stopped for just a moment in time. When the eternal met the sweet, earthly soul. The mom's that have shed a thousand tears. While piercing pain rips through their soul. Mom's who get up every morning. Put one foot in front of the other. Who press through the day and create a home A home fractured and never the same. The mom's that stand by their child's bed. With wracking sobs. Never to caress the forehead again. The abdomen that swelled with ... View Post
