There are so many changes on the Horizon.
Graduation.
Our parents home has sold.
Change of seasons.
I dig in and recoil.
It’s too much.
I can feel the anxiety.
I can feel the uncertainty.
I snap at a question.
My heart is weighed down.
The weather is not helping.
Haying is late.
Money is tight.
The farm chores extend late.
Equipment to fix.
Pastures to fence.
A constant flow of work.
It’s been 46 months.
Time sometimes the enemy.
I feel the knot in my stomach.
I have never been a worrier.
I usually take things in stride.
Things have slowly changed and I feel the tension.
This time of year is always full.
The end of the year activities.
Celebrations beyond measure.
So many.
Guilt rises as I try to attend each activity and realize I can’t.
When did my life become not my own.
When did my schedule become dictated by fear of what others will think?
It will be a year since my dad journeyed to be with the Lord.
It is fitting that my parents home sold this week as well.
So many final chapters.
I really can’t sort it all out.
Expressions of emotions all over the place.
A son graduating; reminding me of the son who now dwells in the heavenlies.
That same son turning 18: the age our oldest son never reached.
The year Anniversary of my father’s passing.
The sale of their home.
So.
Much.
Change.
I am reminded of the Rock that never moves.
The Anchor that holds through the fiercest storms.
You see this world can be all those things and more.
We can be blown here and there.
We can slowly be chipped away until there is nothing left.
Guilt, grief, sadness, anxiety; thieves of all that’s good.
Or, we can take hold of that Anchor.
Fix our eyes on the Rock that never moves.
Choosing to look up.
We can be strengthened and filled with joy; even in the darkest hour.
I am reminded in Sunday School that some things turn our eyes inward.
Our me focus can trap us; bind us in the pain.
It is when we choose to look up.
When we surrender and turn our eyes upward that the burden rests on Him.
Hope rises like the morning sun.
Its rays illuminating even the darkest of places until all is brought to light.
It is the darkness that hides.
I want to be a person of light.
Sharing the hope and grace of our loving Father.
I don’t have it in me alone.
I can not walk this road by myself.
I am strengthened.
I am calmed.
I am bold and I am brave.
I am these things because He gave.
He walked to the cross.
He willingly gave.
For all.
His light pierces the darkest spaces.
He draws us into his presence like no other.
He alone washes away the anxiety and uncertainty.
He steadies my being.
He is the peace maker.
He is the calm in the storm.
May you be blessed by this song.
I have it on repeat here at the farm.
