We had been in Maine. We came home. It was so quiet. No white tornado puppy to great us. I had been thinking about our home going and what it would be like. How quickly my son would experience that journey. Each step of every day draws me closer to the anniversary of the day. We attended a Birthday for a sweet family friend. We sang Happy Birthday and she opened her presents. On the TV ran photos of my children when they were little. Pictures of Elijah. His blue eyes ... View Post
Just Because. . .
Just because; The sun has been shining for a few days. And it's warm. Just because. . . I am still in awe of the beauty of this place. And it still takes my breath away. Just because. . . . I can. . . Post tons of pictures. Because I love pictures. (though my beautiful niece took this one) Just because. . . These pictures remind me of God's faithfulness. And that sometimes. . . I just need to Praise God. . . In everything. . . Even when it is hard. Even when the hurt is deep. Just because. . . ... View Post
That 10 Year Old Firecracker
Firecracker. That was Nana's nickname for her. She came into this world in a flurry of emergency. A whirlwind. And has remained that to this day. Our baby is double digits. The last baby I carried; held within my womb. A surprise. A gift. But they all were. I was always surprised with the news of "the child within". Awestruck at the beauty and holiness. And now the youngest of these is 10. This wee one that gave me quite a scare 2 weeks ago. Who caused me to fall to my knees ... View Post
The Icy Fear That Can Grip So Suddenly
Will this ever be easy? Will waiting for the children to come home ever feel safe again? I hold my breath. I feel tense. My spirit unsettled. Waiting. For the axe to drop. Anticipating the negative. Icy cold fear. It creeps in. Slowly. While you're not aware. It is there. Gripping. Choking. The dawn will come and it will be 23 months since my boy walked the face of this earth. 23 months since I have felt normal, It has been 23 months of putting one foot in front of the ... View Post
Celebrating the Niece Today!
She's 15 today. My funtastic niece! Beautiful and feisty. One of my greatest hero's. Her laughter like a thousand sparkles. Her stubbornness deep. She leans head on into life. She needs that grit. She's fought hard through surgeries since day one. Yet this hasn't slowed her down. She's adaptable and stuck to her guns. She loves her family fiercely. Her heart, so sensitive towards others. That heart. Baptized in the river that runs through the land of her ancestors. Learning ... View Post
When You Need to Search For Joy On Father’s Day
How can you miss someone when they are physically still here? How can your heart ache so deeply and long for what once was? The memory thief pulls and tugs until there is but a shell. A shell of the person that once was. The strength; staunch independence now shadowed. How cruel it seems to watch. How twisted the path. We are powerless to stop the movement. Helpless to change. Yet we are not without hope. Hope that one day all this torment will be gone. The day when sweet reunions are fulfilled. When pain ... View Post
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