I strive for normalcy. I cook the ground beef. I make soup. My farmer loves soup, and I don't make it enough. The smells permeate the air. The warmth eleveates the chill. Soup will be good today. I walk down cellar to put away some groceries. Out of the corner of my eye, I see his barn coat. I linger there. The familiar companion of grief awakes. I swallow hard. I reach in the pockets hoping to find something. Something to connect me to him. So many mornings in that coat. I groan, how can this be? I am so powerless to change it. Everything so final. Never again. Oh how I ... View Post
I Wonder What This Day Will Hold
Each day seems to have it's own rhythm. It is not one I create anymore. I have never been one to have lists. Yet each day flowed. Now, it is different. As I press through the waking and the realization of a new day, I force my way to the coffee. (Ok forcing my way to coffee is a stretch, but the hard reality of the awake is agony) And then to God's Word. I wonder what this day will hold. It is hard to think. It is hard to focus. There is so much that needs to be done. I Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. The weather has been beautiful. Warm, ... View Post
What Does Straight Forward Mean Anyway?
He calls me on my cell. I have just arrived at the allergist for Christiana's appointment. I have cancer he says. I don't feel a thing. Ok. I say. It is rare. Only 30 people in the world have been diagnosed. The first case was in Czechoslovakia. The doctor said I've been talked about all over the world. It should be straight forward. In my mind I think, straight forward? This was supposed to be a cyst. How straight forward is cancer? Pslam 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me ... View Post
Happy First Anniversary Chelsea and Adam
A year ago, on a dreary day such as today. We created our own sunshine. Vows were exchanged and a new journey began. A beautiful little girl. Grew to love this man. And when he came to us to ask if he could have her hand in marriage. . . Her daddy said, "No, no, no." And then after a conversation and hugs. We both gave our blessing. Such a beautiful bride. So many dreams. Such a future before them. And even though you know she is arriving by tractor. . . When you hear the engine start, your heart, for a moment wishes she were young ... View Post
Farm Living Without Your Oldest Son
The night Elijah went home to be with the LORD. His bed remained empty. . . and for 10 weeks now that hasn't changed. 10 weeks of leaning against the door frame, breathing in his scent, wondering how this can be. . . How can my son really be gone? 10 weeks of hoping to wake from this nightmare. It was his morning to help with chores. Gary did them alone. There was no power, so he had to hook up the generator. . .by himself. But, that was the only day. For weeks now, friends and family have risen in the early hours to ... View Post
Young Forever
Close to 400 hearts will hold your family close tonight, will stand and applaud the poise of your beautiful daughters and will be present to remember your wonderful son. 30 children will stand behind their friends to show them how much they care. Though your heart is breaking, you are never alone. We love you! Thank you for the privilege you have given us. This is the note I received from one of the directors' prior to last evenings performance. These young people and the directors of the Vermont Youth Dancers decided in September, on Elijah's birthday, that they wanted to do ... View Post
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