I can still feel the peace when I entered her home. The country charm. The warmth. The smells. The open door. Oh, how I loved and admired her. She could bring a calf to the barn as easy as whipping up a tasty meal. There was always room on her lap for one more. Room at the table for another to sit. Always time for coffee. There was always a solution to every problem. Life was a journey with God as her companion. Her creative touch transforming gardens and rooms into things of beauty. The light left ... View Post
When Your Heart Is Breaking, Can You Still Sing, “Gloria In Excelsis Deo”?
4 years. 4 roses. 2 of those anniversaries were celebrated with romance and promises; dreams and a future. 2 of them have been celebrated with her bringing the roses; to the cold hard earth. No reciprocation. No warmth. Silence. Heart breaking, heart wrenching quiet. The dreams and hopes never to be. A life, a love; silenced. And we are learning how to live without. We're learning how to step a foot in front of the other without a part of who we are. Our family looks different. The family ... View Post
He Held All These Moments First
There are no Christmas decorations. Actually there is no one home. I do not have my key, because it is still on the key chain that I can hardly bear to look at. So different from the years gone by. There are leaves all over the driveway and yard. More signs of change. Dad always kept his yard free of leaves and such. It's almost too much to bear. The heaviness and magnitude of all that is gone weighs me down. Each step towards the door; agonizing. I notice everything out of place. I see what's been moved. New pictures on ... View Post
What Do You Do When The Soul Ache Is Deep?
Sometimes there are just no words. When the searing pain creeps in. The ache unbearable. The silent screams wanting a voice for all this to not be. It's Advent. A Season of Preparation. And today breathing seems hard. And we're told when there are no words. When the soul ache is so deep; we would have a comforter. Romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. This comforter ... View Post
She Loved God, She Loved Purple; She Was Our Mom
She loved purple. She loved God. She and my dad fought most of their married life. Good old knock down drag out fights. Yet loved fiercely. They stayed true to the institution of marriage. Maybe that was the secret. Things weren't left undone. For better, or worse. Her home was immaculate. She and my dad built their dream log cabin in the woods. They had plans to travel. God had other plans. She would travel; but mostly only as far as Boston and to the inside of a hospital. Cancer would be her companion for 9 ... View Post
Even In Our Darkest Moments We Still Carried Hope
A kid jumps off a bridge. A woman commits suicide; a teacher, wife, mother. Another student in my hometown takes his life. And I can't make sense of this world. Why one who wanted to live is gone and these that don't want to live take their own life. It all swims around in my head and my heart feels like it wants to burst. I can't imagine what it must feel like to have no hope; to not want to live. Because even in my darkest moments, when the grief was overbearing and the pieces of my shattered heart were scattered everywhere as my son left this ... View Post
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