This will be the fifth Christmas without our oldest farm boy. It hardly seems possible. Our next farm boy won't be here either. It's a different kind of Christmas. I often wonder how he's doing. How Marine Boot Camp is treating him? What is he feeling and thinking? I wonder this too about our blue eyed, red head who resides in Heaven now. The missing is hard. That Farm Boy loves Christmas. He often will decorate his room in July and play Christmas music as loud as he can. Even before he left, he cleaned his room and strung Christmas lights. It will be a different kind of ... View Post
When it Hurts so Badly
The light permeates the dark. The glow magical. The stockings are hung. The tree decorated. Lists are made. We've gathered with friends and caught up on life. The Christmas Carols play in the back round. Christmas Cards line the walls. The Advent Candles are lit and the preparations for the Birth of our Savior are well under way. Yet, here I sit. My heart aching. I can't deny it. I can't run from it. The ache and pain of loss is real. There's no escaping the absence and emptiness felt. The loss of a child represents loss of future. We spend the rest of our lives adjusting ... View Post
They’re Both Gone
Both of my boys are gone. Both left the same way. The clothes on their backs, their wallets and a hug for their mama. So much the same. Yet different. That oldest farm boy, a Poole in the delayed entry program for the Marines, never came back. He hugged me good bye. His gaze lingered with mine, and out the door he went. He never came home. His bed empty. Clothes on the floor just as he left them. Gone. Forever. Leaving me with an ache that still cuts like a knife. Now the second born farm boy. He leaves too. Clothes on the floor, just as he left them. The feeling so ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, He’s Leaving too, Day #29
I watch him as he drives. He leaves in 5 days. He is heading where his brother was supposed to go. I breathe in deeply. I can't stop the tears from coming; even if I tried. Sometimes I'm so tired of trying not to cry. It takes so much energy to breathe slowly, open my eyes wide and keep the tears from flowing. You see our second born son enlisted in the United States Marine Corps. He leaves for Parris Island on Sunday morning. I struggle to make sense of this. One son is gone. He resides in heaven. His recruiting officer said, "He had a higher calling. " Even now I feel the pit ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, What is Amazing Grace, Day #27
I stand in that country church. The strains of the hymn surround me. "Amazing Grace, How Sweet the Sound" The song sung at our sons funeral. I can't sing. I close my eyes and let the music hold my soul. I lean into the ache. I lean into the strength that is beyond me. Amazing Grace. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We woke in the early hours to find a mess at the barn. Ok, there was already a mess with barns torn down. This was an unexpected, never happened before mess. Grain. Everywhere. The auger must have stuck open and dumped 10 tons of grain on the ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, What Am I Truly Thankful for? Day #23
I've done a lousy job of recording my thankful thoughts this year. There's been so much going on between the barns coming down, trying to find hired help, managing the kids, a farm with no shelter for the cows. It's actually been pretty heavy to tell you the truth. Yet, reaching each day for the good has come over time. Even though I have been negligent in recording the thoughts, my heart has gravitated toward gratitude. Finding things to be thankful for each and every moment. It is a habit. A practice. It changes us. There are reasons God speaks so often of Praise in the Ancient ... View Post
- « Previous Page
- 1
- …
- 27
- 28
- 29
- 30
- 31
- …
- 155
- Next Page »
