I wander through the house. There is much to do.  I wipe down a counter, switch laundry. It all seems so trivial. . . My cousin said she wanted to be able to go back and just read about what I was having for breakfast. Oh, how I echo her words!  I have hardly cooked in 2 weeks. I have hardly eaten in 2 weeks. Yet the abundance of food in this place has been tremendous.   I wander.  Everywhere I turn there are reminders of Elijah. With every step on the sod of this farm, he is there. There are fence lines he set. Calves he has fed. Earth he has turned ... View Post

When I woke; it was strange. The air in the room was heavy. As my mind cleared I realized the air conditioning was off. . . and my clock was flashing. There was no power. I saw flickering lights outside. I was confused. I could hear someone knocking and calling if anyone was home. That was at 2:40 a.m., July 28, 2013. The night the LORD called our son home. The night my heart almost stopped beating. The night my life changed forever. It's been 2 weeks today. My clock is still flashing. I can't seem to change it. The incessant flashing somehow reassuring; that indeed something is not ... View Post

Are you ever still? Be still. How do you Worship? Worship in quietness. Choose to praise with a joyful song.  No matter how hard life is, or how hopeless it seems. . . Be Still and know that God is with you. . . Psalm 46:10 Be still and know I am God. Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;  do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. There is nothing in me.  I have nothing to give.  I have nothing to offer.  I am nothing without ... View Post

I feel it in the pit of my stomach. It's time for them to go home. Back to North Carolina.  I have known all week the time had to come.  Elijah's God parents had stayed for a month earlier in the Spring; to see the girls dance performances and participate in all the  graduation activities for Elijah.  It was a glorious time.  Then they went home.  They had to come back.  This time for grief and heartache. And to celebrate Elijah's life. They have stayed almost 2 weeks. I do not want them to leave. But it is time for them to ... View Post

This is the longest I have ever gone without seeing my son. The longest he has ever been away.  We were close that way. He liked being in his own bed. He liked home. I wondered what life for him would be like as a Marine. Today, I just miss him. How can I never see his face again? How can I never feel the stubble of his short hair cut? See the glint in his eye? Watch him wrestle with things of this life? I sit in the sun and try to feel.  I want to feel something other than loss. I do feel grateful. Grateful for this amazing community. For their warmth and love ... View Post

Time marches on; while I feel stuck. Stuck in a wrestling match. I don't want to move on. I want to hold on with all my might and not make it so. Yet the pull of the seasons force the universe to do it's work. The leaves are already changing. Where did summer go? Between the flooding and the desperate attempt to hay; it has disappeared. We have had many visitors this week.  It is wonderful to take time and remember. Cry, laugh. I was not prepared for the knock on the door,  or the name the little girls announced. Jon Tymann is at the door. Jon and his wife ... View Post