A friend is coming to visit today.   The last time I saw her was Elijah's baby shower.  She came to celebrate life.  Somewhere I have a picture of her and another friend. The 3 of us grew up together.  Now miles apart.  But today she is coming.  She's never met Elijah. She comes now to honor that life.   From an early age Elijah had a strong sense of beat. He kept it steady.  He loved music.  Everything was an instrument. Plucking out the steady beat. Keeping the rhythm steady when others could not.  As he ... View Post

He will carry me, when my burden is too heavy. When I can not stand. . . He will. I woke with JJ Hellers song in my head today.  "When my world is shaking. . .heaven stands."  I have grace only for the moment.  2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,  for my power is made perfect in weakness."  We purchased a van. We couldn't have done it without the tremendous support all around us.  It was hard.  I couldn't even go.  Clarissa went to support her daddy. These are the things that are ... View Post

The 28th.  We will mark time now with the date.  Not a day of the week.  Though Saturday evenings into the wee hours of Sunday  will forever be etched in my soul.  I wonder if I will ever worship on a Sunday morning without remembering my red haired boy?  Long to hear his drumming. . . Worship has new meaning in my life. It is a yearning, an aching, to be ever present with our LORD. Why do we mark time? Why this necessity to mark birthdays, anniversary's, events? What causes this?  God was in the business of marking time and events long ... View Post

This farm. Oh how I love it.  It has been a respite.  I love coming home. I never tire of the view of the mountain or the meadows. There is peace and beauty. Even amidst grief.  There is always much work to be done here. . .but somehow the beauty in this place makes all that ok.  I long for a healing balm, for the pain within.  Losing your son is like having a gaping hole. . .a festering sore. The burn deep within my soul aches continually. How does a mommy say good bye to her son until eternity? Even when all I know, and believe with all my heart that this ... View Post

Amazing worship, back porch visits,  flowers remembering the 4 weeks we have missed our son, sun shine with a soft breeze, forts in the back yard. These are the elements of today; of this day of rest.  Grace. Cedric was leaving for camp and his brother leaned in the car to give him a hug.  I snapped a picture with that smart phone I desperately never wanted.  This was the last time Cedric saw Elijah.  Who knew how important this picture would become? Brothers. The bond is strong.  Their communication needs few words. Sometimes just more floor space ... View Post

It's been 4 Sundays since your feet have not walked this earth.  4 Sundays of missing. 4 weeks of Sundays that we have shed hot tears...4 Sundays of longing to see you again. 4 Saturdays of wishing I could do anything about that day differently.  I watch the clock tick away the minutes. . . 4 weeks of nothing really feeling right.  But it is also 4 weeks you have spent in glory. While we are left behind to feel the ache.  Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing  with the glory that will be revealed in us. (thanks ... View Post