Dear God,      I find myself in a deep place today. My first thoughts are usually to bring praise and Glory to your name. It is the habit established for more than 20 years now. My first thoughts when my eyes flutter open are to praise you. . .no matter how I feel. Today. . .I opened my eyes and pushed through the raw grief; the weight that threatens to engulf. I look for you. It is rainy and dark out. I know this day will be a struggle. I cry for this all to not be. I am weary and worn.          There are so many holding us up and we are so grateful ... View Post

What do you do with the book you find; given to Elijah from Nana on the event of Clarissa's birth? For a moment your heart skips. . .and you are brought back to that day. You can hear the sounds. You can hear your moms voice. You can see your sons excitement over a present. He loved books. Now they both call heaven their home. Only 7 months apart. And the ache is deep. I am still mourning my mom. . . And now I grieve the loss of our son. . . Today was a tough day. I miss my boy. Yet it was beautiful out. And I went for a walk.  And I met a friend on her way home from work and she ... View Post

There is a threshold I have. It isn't very high. Things that used to energize me. . . Exhaust me. I find myself very distracted.  Hard to stay focused on anything for very long. (Ok, that is not a new problem) I try to make sense of all that has happened.  And I can't. And I don't want it to be. It's been six weeks since I have seen you. Six weeks since my world changed forever. Six weeks of clinging every moment to what I know and believe. Six weeks of driving by the place you drew your last breath; your last moments that I didn't share. And I still cry out to God. . ... View Post

Because of the events of July 28. Acquaintances have become friends; a shared bond.  Not one that either of us would like to have. They know the searing loss of a child. They have walked the broken road. But they came.  They visited. They listened.  They shared. They brought flowers and macaroni and cheese.  And for a tiny moment in space I felt peace.  A shared bond will do that. There is common ground.  Though this ground is not  pleasant. This ground is hard and uncomfortable. There is no way to make it easier. And there is no way to spread ... View Post

I remember the first time I heard this song. I remember reading Mary Beth's book. I read it in the sunshine on a cruise with my mom and dad. My mom was living with all she had while cancer stole pieces of her, bit by bit. I remember crying and hurting for the Chapman's. Wondering how a God could let the unimaginable happen. Where was his protection on this sweet family. I remember praying for them and their sweet kids.  And that God would use them for His Glory. And I watched as the Chapman family grieved. I saw the beauty rise that can only come from the Grace of God.  And when ... View Post