I Corinthians 10:31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Today I placed a flag to honor you at your grave. There was evidence that others had been there. Others missing you, remembering, Being at the Harvest Market flooded my heart with memories. The Parade bittersweet. The rhythm of the cadence, the work of your hands. The quad. . .your love. I thought I saw you a few times. It was strange. My heart fluttered. Missing you is so hard. We head to the grave. I feel ... View Post
It’s Been Two Months Since You Called Me Mom
It's been 2 months since you've called me mom. 2 months since I've heard you say good night. 2 months of living without you. How can this be? I have cried a thousand and more tears. The ache permeates. I stand in the doorway of your room If I close my eyes I can still hear you, I can feel you bustling around. I want this to be different. I don't like this plan. The pull of all the universe drives life forward. But I still have one foot stuck. . .on July 27th. . .The last day you were here and I don't ever want to take it out. I will look up to the heavens for ... View Post
Making Cookies, And Trusting, One Step At A Time
These days are glorious. The color, the sun; all magnificent displays of God's handiwork. I still long to feel. . . I try. I sit on a rock overlooking the meadows. I close my eyes and feel the warmth of the sun. But my heart still aches and longs for what it can not have. I make cookies for the first time. The memories of Elijah come like a flood. The last day he was here; the day we had no idea would be his last. He had come home all excited from a shooting match. I had made cookies. He stood in the kitchen and ate one after another. . .dipping them ... View Post
As Reality Sets In
As the fog lifts and my new reality sets in. I am confident only in knowing that my comfort is in the LORD. I lack confidence in every other area. I can not trust any emotion. I made a trip to the Orthodontist with Ana. I am reminded Elijah only had his braces off for a little over a month. I head to Walmart. First time in 2 months. I don't like going there under normal circumstances. There is nothing normal about me anymore. I come undone as my youngest asks for Ramen Noodles. Is there no easy way? We head to cello lessons and the memories flood my mind as tears pour down my ... View Post
The Honor of being the Ugly Step Mom. . .who came up with that term anyway?
Today she turns 26. She came into my world in a different way. Her blue eyes and precious smile captivated me right away. Her long blonde hair flowing in the breeze. Her hand tucked snugly into mine. Bedtime stories and afternoon walks. These stole my heart. Along with the father who loved her so. Years of Field Hockey games, homework, playdates, road trips to see her in college; all done now. That precious young child has grown into a beautiful woman. All the girls. And then a wonderful young man stole her heart. But ... View Post
Time Stood Still
For you time has stood still. The rhythm of the day no more. The silence over powering, I yearn to hear something from you How can this be? When will I wake? How my heart and soul cry for you. The ache so deep some days. Normal threatens to seep in. Piercing pain rips through my heart. It longs for what can not be. I utter words to the Father. Only He can heal this hurt. It is the beat of His time that will bring peace. Gary and Dobie mowed down acres of grass. Time is of the essence. We are desperately short for feed this winter. It permeates all we do. Feed is ... View Post
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