It is the afternoon and I am restless. I get this way sometimes. The enormity of the loss overpowering. I just don't want to think. I pray and remember the promises; God will never leave us nor forsake us. But the afternoon threatens to engulf. So I head to the barn to see (Ahem, supervise) those boys. They have so much finished in one day. Probably because they don't stop. I asked if they were coming in for lunch and they were all like, as my son says, "I ain't got time for that." So, I send food up to them. And then I head to check on them. The ... View Post
A Promise That Will Never Be Broken
She meets me at the door, as I enter church. I haven't seen her in so long. She hugs me tight and we cry. She so young, with babies growing. Together we share the silent pain of miscarriages, me but one. . .she many. But this new pain; I carve a new path. What do you say? How can you express in words the fear every parent lives with; the one no one wants to endure. She hugs me tight as we cry. The service is beautiful. The first Sunday in Advent, the reminder of the Promise. A service of dedication; a young mom and dad dedicating their 2 boys before the ... View Post
Advent: A Season of Waiting and Preparation
When you're in the middle of Advent and you're waiting; longing for Christs return. Longing for anything other than this path. Sometimes the pain is so searing it leaves me dizzy. The magnitude of the loss overpowering. Gary plays a message on his phone and it rips my heart right open wide. His voice. Oh, how I miss it. I knew his voice. I recognized it. I knew his step on the stair. These things a mama knows. And when those things are taken away - ripped right away from this life, it leaves you reeling and teetering for something to grasp. Because the hurt and pain of this world cuts like a ... View Post
The Future That Really Matters. . .Day #30 of Thankfulness
I walk out of the bedroom to start my coffee. There are sleeping bags all over the living room. I pick up the pot and plug it in the bathroom so not to disturb anyone. I have a blondie in my bed who had a headache in the middle of the night. I start the laundry and fold a load while I wait for the coffee. My phone is plugged in, in the middle of the sea of sleeping bags. I don't dare disturb them. I wander to the parlor, I open the door and there is another sea of sleeping bags. I head back to my room. I hope the blondie stays sleeping. There are sleeping bags in 2 of the rooms ... View Post
Finding Contentment on Black Friday. . .Day #29 of Thankfulness
Philippians 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. The farmhouse was filled to the brim with babies, toddlers, teens; friends, family, love and lots of food. The generations growing as the next have children. And what contentment that brings. Even in the midst of deep grief, the next generation brings hope. I didn't think the day would be hard. The agony comes unexpected; when you're not prepared. When ... View Post
It’s a Big, Deep Breath Kind Of A Day. . . Day #28 of Thankfulness
It's a big deep breath kind of a day. It's been 4 months. 4 months since we were woken from our sleep with the news that our boy was in the presence of the King of Kings. 4 months since we placed our red headed, handsome, just graduated boy in the sod of this earth. How thoughts of that night still rock my world. And it's this day, that America celebrates all that we are thankful for. The bounty and provision given in desperate times. Being thankful is a practice I have cultivated throughout the months and years of my life. Seeking wholeheartedly ... View Post
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