I just want off this road. I don't want to live without our son. We invest so much in our kids. We thrill at their successes and mourn at their losses. Our days are ordered around their life as we watch them become all they can be. Our family is a unit. Each with it's unique function; making us whole. Our dream is for them to be all they can be in Christ. We long for them to make this world a better place. To bring change to this hurting world. To be Jesus to the lost. To share hope. And when that dream is dashed; torn from you. We don't feel whole any more. There is ... View Post
An Unwanted Visitor Is Trying To Call Again; Depression Is Not a Welcomed Guest
It is one of those days where the gloom threatens to spill over. As I opened my eyes the weight descended. The life without Elijah. Missing his presence in our lives. These days will come. The missing overpowering. The weight of the days necessity looming. I will not give in. Gary speaks of depression. It's been almost 18 years since we walked that weary road. A depression brought on by Elijah's birth and the switch from milking in a tie stall; to over night change to a milking parlor. Now brought on by Elijah's ... View Post
We Are Kept
It says it right there. Right there in Jude. At the very beginning. To those who have been called, who are loved by God, the Father and kept by Jesus Christ. We are kept by Christ. What a thing. I linger on those words. I sip coffee for a few moments, and then a few moments more; while meditating on those Ancient Words. I actually even got up and got another cup because I needed to hear this message. And I stayed up too late watching the Olympics and my brain is still fuzzy. So I needed another cup to clear the sleep away and catch hold of this ... View Post
The Landscape That Brings Such Peace; The Savior, Where I Find Rest
I love this farm. I remember the first time I came here. The first time I rode up the road on the bucket of one of the tractors. We came up the hill and the mountain and all it's majesty loomed before me; snow covered, silhouetted against a clear blue sky. It took my breath away and stirred in me an emotion I had never felt before. This place still does that. No matter the weather; Or the season. It is beautiful. It has been a blessing through sickness and the deepest of heartaches.I have seen life and death in this ... View Post
Our Highest Calling
My Highest Calling. I stare at his picture. I still can't believe he is gone. My first born, my flesh and blood. I touch the picture. Longing to touch that skin, to hear the sound of his voice; calling me mom. I remember when he first called me mom. Do any of us ever forget? I had already lost a child that never called me mom. So this was precious. Oh, so precious. Those words came out. Words I had longed to hear. So much wrapped in 3 letters. 3 letters I will never hear from him again. I wrestle each day with how this can be God's plan. How such a fun, handsome, ... View Post
A Cup Of Coffee And Some Inspiration
Today grab a cup of coffee. Relax and enjoy some of this weeks inspiration. My cousin's blog is full of inspiration. And a little tease about a new book discussion. A friend I have yet to meet also has grief as her constant companion. Here is her paraphrase of this precious verse. Matthew 5:3-4 You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. It's been 13 months ... View Post
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