The thoughtless words come spewing out. I am angry. My anger is directed at no one in particular. The tender soul of the blue eyed girl receives the brunt. I feel out of sorts. And lashing out is my first reaction. Those words can not be taken back. No matter how deeply I ask for forgiveness. They came out. I Corinthians 13:4-6 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but ... View Post
Waiting; The Farming Way
It's raining. Again. We really could use a little precipitation. The grass will green up quickly. We are running short on feed. With the new calculations it looks like we have 10 days of feed left. 10 days left of the harvest that held our son. His hand in the work. The final pieces of summers bounty, ending. Another piece to the puzzle. Another added expense. I watch my farmer husband as he shares the news. We need feed. He doesn't react. Years of volatility in this business have hardened him to ... View Post
He Will Renew Our Strength
A wife loses her husband and 2 children in a tornado. Just like that. 3 members of their family gone. How does a mom grieve for 2 children and her husband? Her soul-mate. I am familiar with the loss of a child. I know the searing pain. The overwhelming grief. I know the knee bruising prayer of pleas to spare my husbands life. To lose them all at once? My heart snaps. There is so much pain. I read the comments one of the daughter places on Facebook. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of ... View Post
A Step At A Time
"Every doing starts with a step." It's the first thing I read when I get out of bed. A tweet from Proverbs 31 ministry. I didn't want to get up today. Sometimes when I open my eyes the impact hits all over again. I usually turn my first thoughts to God. At least I try. I try to thank Him for the day. To begin my day with a Christlike focus. Lately it's been about my emotions. I wallow in what I have lost. I cry out for it to not be. This morning when I didn't want to take a step. Those first words encouraged me. "Every ... View Post
My Soul Is Well
It's the future that echoes. The hollow emptiness that will ever be. It's what all parent's feel at the loss of their child; of a loved one held dear. It tears and pulls at the heart. A daily struggle to rise and count the grace given for the moment. It is deep anguish thrashing to consume. Stepping towards hope against the raging current. Your son ripped from you in a moment. Searing loss. Moments that can never be again. It's been 9 months. The tears come wrapped in a cocoon of grace. The shattered fragments of my heart held tightly ... View Post
The Question That Begs An Answer
The doctor asks my farmer, "What do you like to do?" And I watch my farmer. He doesn't know. Right now, he hates farming. There are aspects he used to enjoy. Maybe even love. A deep satisfaction. Now, it produces stress. Reminders of a beloved red headed farm boy; heading to the Marines. He used to play music. . . we both did. Kids and life got in the way. I start to think. What do I like to do? I used to love to teach. It is in my blood. But with 6 children, a farm, a home, working out became impossible. My career shifted to domestic ... View Post
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