Twisting, turning, boiling. The chaos swirls around. A child testing all authority. A friend in a health crisis. My mom's birthday. Laundry, dishes. Friction in the home. Graduation looming. Memories that bring searing pain. So many things to pull me under. So many distractions to draw my focus from the One answer. Deep grief weighing heavily. Change on the horizon. So much change. I can not quiet the raging pace of life. I can not control the responses of all around ... View Post
Come, Sit At My Table
Come to my table and sit for a spell. Where generations have gathered. Stories and woes poured out. Hot steaming cups of warmth in hand, as time passes. Nourishment given. Come to the table where we share who we are. Where we break bread and study the word. Come, sit with me. I long to hear the stories. I long to walk a spell. Held captive by the road with which you have walked. Come to my table and sit for spell. Take a load of your feet. Lay down your burden, release your shame. You ... View Post
Lessons From the Coffee Pot
No rich smell of coffee reached my senses as I stumbled through the kitchen. My caffeine deprived system trying to register the day, the mess all at once. That is when my eye sight cleared enough to see. My coffee pot. In pieces. With no rich, aromatic coffee smells emanating from it. No beautiful perking sounds. Just pieces and parts on the counter. I knew this might be happening.I had inside information and I failed to act. Yesterday, it was a 2 pot kind of a day. After 20 years of marriage my farmer ... View Post
He’s #10 but wear’s a #6
I reach into the pile. I pull out his shooting shirt. It is nice and white. I smile. He's playing so well this year. A place for him to burn off steam. It's been such a hard year. The number catches me off guard. #6 Wait. . . he's #10. I am reminded one brother wears the shirt of the other. A number now retired in memory of one so young. A jersey signed by all his team mates. My heart aches. This journey day to day can get heavy. Thoughts and memories swirl. The loss ... View Post
A weekend Off
Bright sunshine greets the day. New babies. Warmth. Spring. It's finally arrived. The landscape a virtual palette; changing in moments. A gorgeous weekend. A gift. One in which we had off. Technically we have every other weekend off. Lately, each "weekend off," has been full. College visits, travelling. Taxes. Farm issues. But not this weekend. This weekend was a treasure. My farmer stayed close by. Trimming bushes. Raking the lawn. Cutting down ... View Post
Grief Is Work And It Takes Time
Some days the breathing is hard. As if I take a breath and all will spill over. The breath that will split the scar. The ache that lies just beneath the surface. Day after day. The missing. The longing. One more word. One more hug. A future. Where would he be right now? How is he feeling? I want to be numb. I don't want to feel the pain. It sears and burns. This thought line is in vain. It leaves an emptiness that can never be filled. These desires unfulfilled; this side of ... View Post
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