It never goes away you know. The ache. The missing. It's always there. Always. A piece of you. Your child. Gone. It never leaves me. Ever. I think about him all the time. I wonder what he'd be doing. How he would react to something. Yes. Life is ebbing forward. Time. All held in the palm of the hand of the One who called that time into space. We lost our nephew a year ago today. The heart wrenching loss. My farmer's youngest sister. Now a part of the exclusive club no one wants to join. A year since his kids have been wrapped in his loving embrace. Sometimes I can't ... View Post
Want to Celebrate? It’s Been a Year!
It's been a year! It's been a year since we officially hosted our first guest in our Davis Farm Guest House. Since then we have met some amazing new friends. Hosted folks from all over this country and the world! There have been times when we wondered if we should keep at it. There were no bookings. There seemed to be stretches of time when all seemed so silent. Success is not measured by the position one has reached in life, rather by the obstacles one overcomes while trying to succeed -Booker T Washington We have been reminded to pray. To remember that this is not our ... View Post
Do You Really Trust He Will?
I trust God. Trusting God has been part of my life as along as I remember. Yielding. Each moment. Routine. Grace. Now. It's the trusting that he will, that is hard. I know he can. But will he? This is a struggle. This is how my life is impacted by the loss of a son. I have new family dynamics. Who is the Oldest? The second born? The Youngest boy is now the Oldest boy; and is so messed up and painful and hard. It's messy and dirty and loud and heart wrenching. I can't sort it out or make it make sense. And each time I lean in to trust there's a piece of me that says he ... View Post
Lots of Celebrating in Heaven
He'd be 74 today. His birthday so close to his first grandchild. Today. They celebrate together. In heaven. Life has been full here. School starting. College girl back to school. The oldest farm girl leaving those sweet farmettes to impart knowledge on the next generation. The farm boy restless again. Searching. Stretching. The younger two growing. Blossoming. Here I am in this sea of emotions. Swept along. Washing clothes, planning meals, doing bookwork. Discovering a quiet house every once in a while. A strange sound. Today, I think on my dad. I miss him. The whole ... View Post
It’s Time. . . Continued
He's not coming back. No matter how much I want him. 37 months today. How can that be? A glorious sunrise over the Mountain. Ushering another day. No matter how many nights I agonize over his death. He's not coming back. The youngest longs for her own space. Desires solitude. Much like her brother in so many ways. She moves some of her belongings to his room. She then asks me. This is not the first time. She has tried before to move into that space. The space painted and decorated for my first born son. A labor of love by his God father, Harold. My hopes and dreams. Now ... View Post
Letting Go
Right from the beginning. The separation starts. The umbilical cord; cut. Beautiful and tragic all in the same moment. Letting go. Forced. Birth. A process. A cathartic event. Bringing life. Yet the beginning of the journey home. Pulling. Tugging. Letting go. Life brought forth. Constant letting go. Weaning. Walking. And then a run. A run through Elementary, Middle and then High School. Letting go. Until you find yourself in the audience at Commencement. You wonder where the time has gone? How have you arrived at this place? Letting go. College. Here she is. My ... View Post
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