Expect the Unexpected. That moment when air seems to be lacking. Breathing is a chore. Hot, molten tears press hard. Chaos great. Those moments. The unexpected. I try to reach out. I cry out to God. How did we get here? How? I try to focus on a breath. My chest heavy with grief, too much going on. I don't know how to sort it all out. Sometimes there seems to be no right answer. My heart is weighed down with the things of this earth. We can let life just pile on the pressure if we're not careful. The unexpected. Deadlines, kids, marriage, bills, haying, chores, heat; ... View Post
It’s A Different Kind of Christmas
This will be the fifth Christmas without our oldest farm boy. It hardly seems possible. Our next farm boy won't be here either. It's a different kind of Christmas. I often wonder how he's doing. How Marine Boot Camp is treating him? What is he feeling and thinking? I wonder this too about our blue eyed, red head who resides in Heaven now. The missing is hard. That Farm Boy loves Christmas. He often will decorate his room in July and play Christmas music as loud as he can. Even before he left, he cleaned his room and strung Christmas lights. It will be a different kind of ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, He’s Leaving too, Day #29
I watch him as he drives. He leaves in 5 days. He is heading where his brother was supposed to go. I breathe in deeply. I can't stop the tears from coming; even if I tried. Sometimes I'm so tired of trying not to cry. It takes so much energy to breathe slowly, open my eyes wide and keep the tears from flowing. You see our second born son enlisted in the United States Marine Corps. He leaves for Parris Island on Sunday morning. I struggle to make sense of this. One son is gone. He resides in heaven. His recruiting officer said, "He had a higher calling. " Even now I feel the pit ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, Change, Day #7
The Demo has started. Years of memories and treasured living; changing. I am Thankful for those memories. Honestly. It's too many changes. Change is hard. It is an unwelcome companion right now. But, God is at work. I can not see what He is doing. He is keeping it from me. The story is not over. I know He is doing something. I am Thankful: That God is at work He is bigger than all my fears His story is better than mine For friends who continue to hold us up for my coffee buddy- I am so grateful God sent him our way for coffee and a fire on these cold ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, Are You Naming Your Gratitude? Day#3
"This isn't how I would write it. But I have known and seen again and again that God writes the better story. God sends the manna, all that we need even when we do no understand it. " Katie Davis Majors I read these words and wrote them in my journal on October 29, 2017. In the early hours of October 30, 2017 we woke to roaring winds and a devastating wind storm. This storm tore apart our 2 main dairy cow barns. It twisted metal like as if it were a Twizzler. (Halloween was Tuesday- candy is on my mind) Since Monday folks have reached out, once again, to show love and support. We ... View Post
Whoa! We Didn’t See This Coming. . . But God Did
The stars are brilliant. The sky a sea of twinkling lights. Clear and bright. In sharp contrast to the deafening wind. It howls and roars. It is relentless in it's mission. The house shakes with the gusts. At times the sound as if a freight train. I lie in bed wondering if we should head to the basement. Sounds, foreign to us, explode in the night. Just before 3 the power goes out. I walk through the darkness tracking down the breeze. I place a chair under the knob to the cellar door. I examine everything else as the wind continues its war on the outside. Hesitantly, I wake my ... View Post
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