I feel the longing, deep in my soul. I haven't felt that ache in a long time. It is gripping and searing hot. Photos of mom. Mother's Day. A beautiful post by Ann Voskamp. The searing, hot feeling lingers. The tears slip down my cheek. Oh, how I miss my mom. I long to see her. Her last months on this earth were agonizing. The ravages of cancer took her appetite, strength and voice. Yet it never touched her spirit. Confined to a wheel chair do to lack of strength, she stood, with arms raised high to praise our God at her grandsons baptism. Her spirit was a gift. Her ... View Post
A reminder. . . Just Because
I needed a reminder today. A reminder to trust and rest, because sometimes the moments are all ok, and sometimes they are not. . . They hurt and it feels like there's no place to go with that hurt. People don't want to hear it. It's been years, so one should be over it. But honestly. . . there's no 'getting over' the loss of your child. And there it is. The pain rears. The struggles around the farm weigh down. . . I run to the only place that brings me strength. Straight to the solid ground. Straight to the Ancient Word. And then I read this from March 12, 2013 and I remember, to trust the ... View Post
Just For A Moment
Just for a moment I am alone. I play one of my favorite cd's. It is quiet. And just for a moment I let my self remember. For a moment I am a mom of 6 again. Just for a moment. I let the tears fall as the quiet permeates my soul. These days have been so full. Teens laughing and filling our farmhouse table as our German daughter prepares to head back to her home country. College students home and visiting and it's been wonderful. But just for a moment they're all out. I cry the tears that have been on the surface for weeks. They fall Hot. Wet. This ebbing forward of ... View Post
Despite our Circumstances, Day #29 of Thankfulness
Thankfulness despite our circumstances. Some times the Thankfulness comes in a long list. We spout off a litany of things we are grateful for. Almost as an after thought. Food, family, shelter. As if we take them for granted. We expect to be Thankful for them. Yet our basic Thankful list is often the hearts cry of others. Those longing for shelter. The cry of a mom for a child. The basic need of food and water agonizingly not met. Grief amidst war torn areas. Yet gratitude flows. Despite their circumstances. People marginalized yet thanks and joy radiate. How can this be? Our ... View Post
Day #27 of Thankfulness
Have these 27 days changed you? Is thanks more on your lips than not? They say it takes 30 days to establish a habit. We're almost there. My default is not thankfulness yet. It is still work. I hope the thanks comes a little quicker. We have named our thanks for 6 years of Novembers on this page. We have to want to change. We need to want it bad enough that it becomes a priority. I want to be a grateful person. I want to see beauty before the harsh. That is not always the case. I tend to be critical and judgmental. Harsh before soft. I'm trying. I try not to say everything ... View Post
Something Changed In Me -From Memorial Day to Labor Day
From Memorial Day to Labor Day - something changed in me. An usually hot summer and busy schedule left little time for relaxation. Extended time at the River, was rare. Racing and driving kids to activities was prevalent. But something changed in me. God asked me to take some steps out of the comfort zone I was striving to maintain. Memorial Day found me traveling to Fort Leonard Wood, MO to visit our Marine. He had an extended leave and wanted to know if I would visit. I have rarely traveled and only once alone. The guilt of leaving my family, anxiety of traveling alone sent me into ... View Post
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