Would I still have said , "yes" had I known how marriage would be? Our feelings get hurt. Life races at warped speed creating a vacuum and time is not available. Time needed to work out issues or express feelings. It's just not there. There's deadlines, and kids. Meals to prepare, houses to clean, bills to pay, homework, ball games, dances, ministry, you name it. So. many. distractions. We're misunderstood. It's not always easy being married. Even after 26 years. Yet, isn't that the challenge? How do we make it, "against all odds?" I don't know. I really don't. All around us ... View Post
Finding Peace in the Fall Foliage
She waves as she pulls away. It's Friday afternoon and she's full of life and plans. She is navigating friends, classes, work and this thing we call life. I look at her and she smiles. I wonder as she pulls away if I will ever see her again. Will she too never come home? I think of that with all the kids. Especially as they drive away. Not always. Sometimes. It flashes before me. And the gut wrenching desire to hold them all right here with me rears. I turn to go back into the house. I don't want to descend into worry or fear. But, Oh, how easy it would be. I take a moment to ... View Post
What Is Your Legacy?
Do you think about your legacy? I try to walk by faith; keeping my focus heavenward- On Jesus. I try to surrender my will. Pray for strength. Ask for forgiveness. I fall short. Each and every day. I don't live up to the expectations I know I should. I fail. Every single day. I can't keep the house clean. I can't cook the food fast enough, with enough for everyone or in the way everyone likes. I can't ever finish the laundry, book work or chores. I fail every day. And every day I am reminded of my failures because they are in front of me. The dirty house, unfinished ... View Post
What Is This Longing I Feel Deep In My Soul?
I feel the longing, deep in my soul. I haven't felt that ache in a long time. It is gripping and searing hot. Photos of mom. Mother's Day. A beautiful post by Ann Voskamp. The searing, hot feeling lingers. The tears slip down my cheek. Oh, how I miss my mom. I long to see her. Her last months on this earth were agonizing. The ravages of cancer took her appetite, strength and voice. Yet it never touched her spirit. Confined to a wheel chair do to lack of strength, she stood, with arms raised high to praise our God at her grandsons baptism. Her spirit was a gift. Her ... View Post
A reminder. . . Just Because
I needed a reminder today. A reminder to trust and rest, because sometimes the moments are all ok, and sometimes they are not. . . They hurt and it feels like there's no place to go with that hurt. People don't want to hear it. It's been years, so one should be over it. But honestly. . . there's no 'getting over' the loss of your child. And there it is. The pain rears. The struggles around the farm weigh down. . . I run to the only place that brings me strength. Straight to the solid ground. Straight to the Ancient Word. And then I read this from March 12, 2013 and I remember, to trust the ... View Post
Just For A Moment
Just for a moment I am alone. I play one of my favorite cd's. It is quiet. And just for a moment I let my self remember. For a moment I am a mom of 6 again. Just for a moment. I let the tears fall as the quiet permeates my soul. These days have been so full. Teens laughing and filling our farmhouse table as our German daughter prepares to head back to her home country. College students home and visiting and it's been wonderful. But just for a moment they're all out. I cry the tears that have been on the surface for weeks. They fall Hot. Wet. This ebbing forward of ... View Post
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