Our Community mourns the loss of another young child. An accident. A bike. A heart ache so deep. We on the farm hurt as we pray for this family and long to ease their ache. Our days have turned to years. 7 years our boy has been gone. Today marks 8 birthdays we've celebrated without him. I never know how to handle this day. Some days I just want to run. Run from the searing pain; The memories and excitement of being a mom. The grace of the years raising children. Other days I want to dig in and remember. To hold tightly to the days and years we had together. I close my eyes and ... View Post
When You Miss Your Son
My farmer walked into church. I stayed at home. He picked up the drum seat and held it up. It is called a throne. He shared, with a shocked congregation, that our beautiful red headed, blue eyed boy, now sat before the ultimate throne. His life ending abruptly. Without warning. No good byes. Finished. While we slept. We went to bed that Saturday evening with no idea we would have unexpected visitors in the early morning hours. Our beautiful son fell asleep at the wheel and met Jesus. He wasn't drinking or speeding. He had plans. He was living his best life. A girl ... View Post
Don’t Underestimate A Visit
Don't ever underestimate a visit. Ever. He sat at my table. We drank tea. Conversation flowed easily. I laughed. He shared about the things he has been doing and where he is headed. Hopes and Dreams. A path. Unsure. Yet ready. All too soon it was time for him to go. I don't know when I'll see him again. You see, life has a way of taking our kids far from us. New adventures. The unknown. Excitement. This young man warmed my heart. I'd been having a few down days. Struggling. Grief. The loss of a child is hard. Achingly so. The holidays rear and the missing lurks in ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, Day #30 The Clean Up
The clean up. It's always hard for me. I can't seem to get the last dish put away or have it all completed. A life long struggle. Somehow the laundry is never truly finished. There's an extra sock, or a shirt that belongs to no one. I get distracted. The Clean up. No matter the year we usually transition right into Advent the day after Thanksgiving. This year Thanksgiving is so late Advent begins tomorrow. I am struggling to get rid of the piles and finish cooking down the turkey. I want to make soup and save the stock. But I can't find my big pot! The pot I just used to make ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, Day # 26 Just Before Dawn
These dark, early mornings are so holy. The just before dawn moments hang ever so gently. Squash is baking in the oven. Coffee; hot and steaming in my cup. I will head to the Ancient Word soon. These past few days have been so hard. Uncertainty looms. Unknowns are more than knowns. A direction not clear. We pray and ponder. We hold on to hope. Hope that God is working and moving in ways we just can not see. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. We step forward and do the next thing. Longing to know, yet not ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, Day #24 Even Though the Sun Was Shining…
Even though the sun was shining I felt off. The whole day. Tears flowed no matter where I turned. A heaviness seemed to have settled and I couldn't push it off. The weight of all the troubles here seemed insurmountable. Gratitude felt trite and pious. It was a beautiful day. Temperatures warmer. Sun shining in every window. Warmth. Yet it did nothing to stir my soul. It did nothing to change my mood or lift the crushing weight of sadness and heaviness. I puttered through the house trying to tackle the huge list that has accumulated. The mudroom clutter grew as I became ... View Post
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