The clean up. It's always hard for me. I can't seem to get the last dish put away or have it all completed. A life long struggle. Somehow the laundry is never truly finished. There's an extra sock, or a shirt that belongs to no one. I get distracted. The Clean up. No matter the year we usually transition right into Advent the day after Thanksgiving. This year Thanksgiving is so late Advent begins tomorrow. I am struggling to get rid of the piles and finish cooking down the turkey. I want to make soup and save the stock. But I can't find my big pot! The pot I just used to make ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, Day # 26 Just Before Dawn
These dark, early mornings are so holy. The just before dawn moments hang ever so gently. Squash is baking in the oven. Coffee; hot and steaming in my cup. I will head to the Ancient Word soon. These past few days have been so hard. Uncertainty looms. Unknowns are more than knowns. A direction not clear. We pray and ponder. We hold on to hope. Hope that God is working and moving in ways we just can not see. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. We step forward and do the next thing. Longing to know, yet not ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, Day #24 Even Though the Sun Was Shining…
Even though the sun was shining I felt off. The whole day. Tears flowed no matter where I turned. A heaviness seemed to have settled and I couldn't push it off. The weight of all the troubles here seemed insurmountable. Gratitude felt trite and pious. It was a beautiful day. Temperatures warmer. Sun shining in every window. Warmth. Yet it did nothing to stir my soul. It did nothing to change my mood or lift the crushing weight of sadness and heaviness. I puttered through the house trying to tackle the huge list that has accumulated. The mudroom clutter grew as I became ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, Day #12 I Will Never Forget
Shes asks me a question. We talk about Elijah. Strangely it feels good. I want to talk about him. I know people shy away; tired of the grief. Desire surer footing. My roller coaster of emotions not their cup of tea. Yet, the ache continues and the loss deep. My son. I read through old posts. Posts from the days of shock and fog. How hard this road is . Yet how quickly we're expected to move on. To appear normal. To assume the path, as if nothing has changed. Yet, for me everything has changed. Setting the table, the folding clothes, cleaning, family photos, doing ... View Post
Would I Still Have Said, “yes”?
Would I still have said , "yes" had I known how marriage would be? Our feelings get hurt. Life races at warped speed creating a vacuum and time is not available. Time needed to work out issues or express feelings. It's just not there. There's deadlines, and kids. Meals to prepare, houses to clean, bills to pay, homework, ball games, dances, ministry, you name it. So. many. distractions. We're misunderstood. It's not always easy being married. Even after 26 years. Yet, isn't that the challenge? How do we make it, "against all odds?" I don't know. I really don't. All around us ... View Post
Finding Peace in the Fall Foliage
She waves as she pulls away. It's Friday afternoon and she's full of life and plans. She is navigating friends, classes, work and this thing we call life. I look at her and she smiles. I wonder as she pulls away if I will ever see her again. Will she too never come home? I think of that with all the kids. Especially as they drive away. Not always. Sometimes. It flashes before me. And the gut wrenching desire to hold them all right here with me rears. I turn to go back into the house. I don't want to descend into worry or fear. But, Oh, how easy it would be. I take a moment to ... View Post
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