I spewed before I listened. Hot, spicy words came flying out. I was angry. There are clothes everywhere. Furniture broken. Furniture moved. Furniture in the hallway. Furniture in a closet. Furniture where it doesn't belong. Rooms that I had decorated and cleaned and arranged; now the way they want them. Not the way they were. And I lose it. The homeschooling books are still out, the science experiment, still on the counter. There is laundry piled high from too many clothes and the cleaning out the rooms. The youngest; angry, throws markers every where and stomps off in a ... View Post
Home Schooling Eve!
It's Home Schooling Eve! We're sharpening pencils. Wooden Number 2 pencils. . . mind you. Making lists. Fine tuning the last minute preparations. This our 10th year Home schooling! It has been quite a journey. Why do we Home School you ask? Well. We're not your typical Home Schooling Family. We mostly Home School because it's convenient. Our oldest went to college and Home Schooling was a great option to be able to go visit her. Middle School years are tricky. That might be another reason. Our youngest farm boy has never really connected well with school. That might ... View Post
Really. It’s a Celebration.
It's my son's birthday today. He's 21. We had talked about this day. What he might like to do. It is was in the future, though. A future he never saw. What do you do when it's a celebration and all you want to do is utter gutteral screams? The ugly truth stares at you. Taunting. The memories. The never will be's. It's a birthday celebration. Life. But he's not here. All the years of cakes and parties. Careful planning. Presents. Dinners. Celebration. Life. This is his 4th Birthday in heaven. I've missed his 18th, 19th, 20th and now 21st birthdays. Because of ... View Post
Letting Go
Right from the beginning. The separation starts. The umbilical cord; cut. Beautiful and tragic all in the same moment. Letting go. Forced. Birth. A process. A cathartic event. Bringing life. Yet the beginning of the journey home. Pulling. Tugging. Letting go. Life brought forth. Constant letting go. Weaning. Walking. And then a run. A run through Elementary, Middle and then High School. Letting go. Until you find yourself in the audience at Commencement. You wonder where the time has gone? How have you arrived at this place? Letting go. College. Here she is. My ... View Post
When There is No Warning
Some days the missing is so great. It sneaks up. No warning. I can't change this. I am a mom. I want to fix things. Make it better. I am powerless. I call on the name of Jesus. Sometimes our burdens weigh us down. They threaten to crush and steal our joy. This is the journey of a mom whose son lies deep beneath the sod. The missing grips; tears at the inside. Our child; Flesh and blood, torn from us. I find other things to do. To distract myself. I think on the wonder of things. My children. Grandchildren. But the pain is too great. I need to walk through this. I ... View Post
With Gratitude This Broken Hearted Mama says, Thank You!
With Gratitude This Broken Hearted Mama says, Thank You! We rose early. A week ago now! My brother in law and I. And while it was still quiet; a hush still over everything. We set the pig to roasting. Later in the day we would welcome family, friends and community members to the farm. There was much to do. The day dawned beautifully. With coffee in hand we began to work. The tents set up the day before. We decorated and created. Many hands. I prayed over that space and time. I wanted people to feel welcome and relaxed. I wanted people to have a good time. I ... View Post
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