The rain! The gloom. It's been our constant companion! A random day of sunshine here or there. It's cold, damp and down right depressing. Discouraging. I watch my farmer push through. I do the complaining. I do the whining. He just works. Steady. Reliable. Through whatever comes his way. This rain doesn't seem to rock him. He's tired. He's weary. But he doesn't stop. The cows get milked. He lets the wee ones run with their mama's. Despite the mud everywhere the young ladies still find time to huddle. What are they up to? Plotting to take out the nearest fence, most ... View Post
Choosing to Look Up
There are so many changes on the Horizon. Graduation. Our parents home has sold. Change of seasons. I dig in and recoil. It's too much. I can feel the anxiety. I can feel the uncertainty. I snap at a question. My heart is weighed down. The weather is not helping. Haying is late. Money is tight. The farm chores extend late. Equipment to fix. Pastures to fence. A constant flow of work. It's been 46 months. Time sometimes the enemy. I feel the knot in my stomach. I have never been a worrier. I usually take things in stride. Things have slowly changed and I feel the ... View Post
Strangers; Now Friends
Through this journey there have been blessings that words can not express. So many have reached out in different ways. We have become connected with strangers. A common thread; loss. A stranger reaching out in obedience, just to say they are praying. Grace. One of those strangers, now friends, came to visit. Visiting here because of a deep loss of her own, she took the time to see me. Her journey fraught with pain and loss of what she thought her life may be. Yet, always reaching out with encouragement to my hurting soul. She graced the farm with her presence. She came to see this ... View Post
Hot Coffee in my Cup and the Smell of Lilac’s
This tree. Planted before I was born. Blooming each year; but one. It seemed to know. It too, over come with grief. The loss of the oldest farm boy was too much. Each year since. It has gained strength. More blossoms. Richer, fuller. Beautiful. The day dawns warm. A welcome relief from the cold and dampness that has permeated the weather this Spring. The farm boy and his dog rock in the hammock. The early morning sounds; peaceful. With hot coffee in hand I linger on the porch. The Lilacs are just about to pop. Their heady scent; blissful. My mom and a sweet, sweet ... View Post
We Miss, Because We Had Something to Miss
It's been 5 Mother's Days since I've celebrated with my mom. 4 since my son left this earth so suddenly. Both leave an opening. An ache. My brothers and I have been going through photos. Photos that have made us laugh. Say, "what?" And some that have nearly brought me to my knees. Our family pictures are forever changed and events and gatherings always include missing. I'm grateful for the missing though. We had something worth missing. Something so great, that when it's not there, it's missed. I can't change the events of my sons passing. Oh, how I would love to. I ... View Post
Commencement
They're graduating. All those Seniors. The ones that grew up together. The ones that gathered at the grave of a 17 year old. Their friend. They're moving on. Commencement. Some to careers. Some to more schooling. But they're moving on. And our son is not. His life; gone. In a moment. This time, a reminder of that ceasing. I feel the pull of the despair. I sense the ache below the surface. Yet. The Facebook posts of gatherings and graduations also spark deep love. An excitement for these young people. We raise our children with the hope that they will become ... View Post
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