A re-post from November 15, 2013, when the turmoil in our life was great, but God was greater. A time before we had placed our sons headstone. A time when the landscape was stark and bare, but God was doing an incredible work. His hand held us and guided us through.The landscape is anything but bare today. Snow covers the hills and the mountain. The cold is brutal. It caught us off guard. My farmer has struggled with keeping everything going. Yet, this is the life before us. He will work to accomplish all he can with the time he is given. He will finish his day well. That is his desire. That ... View Post
It’s A Different Kind of Christmas
This will be the fifth Christmas without our oldest farm boy. It hardly seems possible. Our next farm boy won't be here either. It's a different kind of Christmas. I often wonder how he's doing. How Marine Boot Camp is treating him? What is he feeling and thinking? I wonder this too about our blue eyed, red head who resides in Heaven now. The missing is hard. That Farm Boy loves Christmas. He often will decorate his room in July and play Christmas music as loud as he can. Even before he left, he cleaned his room and strung Christmas lights. It will be a different kind of ... View Post
When it Hurts so Badly
The light permeates the dark. The glow magical. The stockings are hung. The tree decorated. Lists are made. We've gathered with friends and caught up on life. The Christmas Carols play in the back round. Christmas Cards line the walls. The Advent Candles are lit and the preparations for the Birth of our Savior are well under way. Yet, here I sit. My heart aching. I can't deny it. I can't run from it. The ache and pain of loss is real. There's no escaping the absence and emptiness felt. The loss of a child represents loss of future. We spend the rest of our lives adjusting ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, He’s Leaving too, Day #29
I watch him as he drives. He leaves in 5 days. He is heading where his brother was supposed to go. I breathe in deeply. I can't stop the tears from coming; even if I tried. Sometimes I'm so tired of trying not to cry. It takes so much energy to breathe slowly, open my eyes wide and keep the tears from flowing. You see our second born son enlisted in the United States Marine Corps. He leaves for Parris Island on Sunday morning. I struggle to make sense of this. One son is gone. He resides in heaven. His recruiting officer said, "He had a higher calling. " Even now I feel the pit ... View Post
We Gathered Together, in this Old Farmhouse
We gathered. Together. Our family. Changed. In so many ways. The ebb and flow of life. It thrills. It hurts. We press on. Reaching for what is truth; for what is real. Searching for meaning. The loss of a child. The sequential order; interrupted. Life, defied. A gash, a hole, an emptiness. It can't be repaired. It can't be replaced. Yet, somehow a filling begins. Slowly. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with others. Grief is work. The Holy Spirit softly and quietly fills and soothes the ache. The roaring pain eased. It will surface again and again. But for a ... View Post
Finding Strength in Those Memories
When I close my eyes; memories swirl. So much delight. Joy; In the midst of work. I rest in those times. Moments that have made me who I am. Moments that have shaped my faith and choices in this journey. Today marks the 15th Anniversary since my mother in laws passing. A night etched in my memory. So sudden. My absolute best friend, role model, encourager and nurturer. She was the glue that held so many of us together. How I still long to hear her voice. Ask her advice. Sit at her farmhouse table drinking hot coffee, while wrestling with life questions. Her strength spurs me ... View Post
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