It's my son's birthday today. He's 21. We had talked about this day. What he might like to do. It is was in the future, though. A future he never saw. What do you do when it's a celebration and all you want to do is utter gutteral screams? The ugly truth stares at you. Taunting. The memories. The never will be's. It's a birthday celebration. Life. But he's not here. All the years of cakes and parties. Careful planning. Presents. Dinners. Celebration. Life. This is his 4th Birthday in heaven. I've missed his 18th, 19th, 20th and now 21st birthdays. Because of ... View Post
It’s Time. . . Continued
He's not coming back. No matter how much I want him. 37 months today. How can that be? A glorious sunrise over the Mountain. Ushering another day. No matter how many nights I agonize over his death. He's not coming back. The youngest longs for her own space. Desires solitude. Much like her brother in so many ways. She moves some of her belongings to his room. She then asks me. This is not the first time. She has tried before to move into that space. The space painted and decorated for my first born son. A labor of love by his God father, Harold. My hopes and dreams. Now ... View Post
It’s Time. . .Part 2
He left excited and jubilant. He hugged and kissed me. Assured me all would be well. You see. I didn't want him to go out. I told him repeatedly to just stay home. Bring his girl friend over to be with us. But he left. Giddy. I remember every detail. Blue eyes sparking. He came home in a pine box. The next time I saw him he was laying on a pillow that Chelsea used; on his comforter that matched his brothers. 7 months before I had said good bye to my mom. In a purple casket lined with frills and satin. I wanted none of that. There seemed to be nothing fancy about this kind of ... View Post
I Will Trust In You
He takes my hand. That farmer of mine. I ask him how he is. He says fine. See, he lives by the thought; If I live; Great. If I die; Better. He asks me how I am? I begin to weep. You see, because I don't want to lose him. Because I am tired. I am weary. I am tired of bad news. I know there is good in everything. I seek that which is good. But today. For the moment. I am not fine. I am sad. I am scared. I am numb. The CT scan showed some ... View Post
Are You Able To Look Forward?
No matter how you look at it. This life can be hard. It can be painstakingly beautiful, too. Sometimes it just seems like the pain rises to the top. Usurping the joy. Isn't that Satan's way? He wants to steal our joy. He wants to bring this world to it's knees. Missing the beauty of the redemption in Christ. Blinding us to that which is holy and good. It seeps in. A bad day at the office. Traffic. Money issues. Kids challenging authority. "Busy"ness; running from one kids activity to ... View Post
The Reminder That There Is So Much More To Come
Philippians 3:10 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ. I was 16 when I heard the song by Petra, "Not of This World" We are envoys, we must tarry With this message we must carry There's so much to do before we leave With so many more who may believe Our mission here can never fail And the gates of hell will not prevail We are strangers, we are aliens We are not of this world Read more: Petra - Not Of This World Lyrics | MetroLyrics We had a singing group. We sang this ... View Post
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