I envisioned a "Folgers in your cup", kind of welcome home. The college girl is home. The kind of nice, clean house, bread baking; welcome home. A Saturday full of fun activities. I tried. I planned. Yet what we got was not what we had planned. Is it ever? Do we really have things go the way we wanted? I watched as my son wailed as he brought his injured puppy home. Something inside me snapped. When you see your children experience raw grief it does something to you. I have ... View Post
May Hope Find You
The music plays in the background. A song, somehow, I have not heard before. A story needing to be told. Another taken so young. It is staggering how many young men have been called home in a single car accident. Young men. Mama's sons. Daddy's boys. Sibilings. Children of God. The couple on the video tell their story. Their words resonate with my heart. This is not our home. This is not where we belong. It is the reminder. This journey is not over. We are heading ... View Post
Never, Ever Give Up
I climb the stairs. A routine established each night. His door is the first at the top of the stairs. Everything is so quiet. Two are at camp. One in heaven. I make a comment on face book about wanting to keep my kids young. The responses are interesting. No, they say. You want them to grow up and enjoy all they will become. Right now, those thoughts are hard to embrace. When they were young they were all here. They were safe. We have enjoyed the oldest. College. Moving to ... View Post
When The Missing Rises Up To Meet Me
The missing rises up to meet me. I drive past the site. The forever slams my soul hard. I try to work through the pain. Shaking my head, I continue to drive. My heart cries out to God. I beg for him to lift the hurt. I want to hear Elijah's voice and cook him a meal. I am tired of his bed being empty. Never to return. I'm tired of hurting and aching; of longing. I say his name over and over. Elijah, Elijah, Elijah. There is something soothing about saying his name. We chose his name. A prayer. A nudging from ... View Post
When Trusting Comes Hard
I have a confession to make. I don't trust Him enough. At all. I get a call from a friend. She says I am not trying to be a nosy neighbor but I wanted you to know your tractor and manure spreader were stopped by the police. I start to shake. I tell her thank you. I can't stop shaking. I call Gary. I hang up the phone. I sit at the desk and shake. The tank could have flipped. My mind races. I relive the accident night over again. I hear God's voice. Do you trust me enough? My shaky voice answers, No. I don't ... View Post
Walking Into Praise
An unexpected phone call. Psalm 8:4 what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Words of encouragement from a stranger; now friend. Messages of hope intended for my farmer. Compassion and grace right on the other end of the phone. Unexpected. Humbling. Hard to take. Job 38:4 Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. I call my farmer. I share the encouragement. Hoping to lift his spirits. He asks me "Why am I so depressed when so many are praying?" I remind him of ... View Post
