I am alone. The house quiet. It is not a sound I am familiar with; or like. I wish I could take all those crazy moments when 2 diapers needed changing, lesson plans needed writing, dinner was cooking, and all 6 children were living. . . and bottle them. Then pull them out now. When I feel defeated. I was created to be a mom. And I have loved the journey. I haven't done it well. My children never had a nursery. I never had the latest stroller or baby gear. I never read a parenting book until Chelsea ... View Post
Swaying With The Changes
The kids will head to camp today. I can't get the teenagers up to help get chores finished. But today they are up shortly after me. Excitement. Camp. Memories. Time with fellow believers. Growing closer to God. Being refreshed and renewed. Reminders of hope; of life everlasting. I will make the drive to New York without my farmer. Life goes that way some times. There was a breakdown yesterday. So plans, for today, are changed. I don't do so well with change anymore. I can feel myself being ... View Post
This Is Not All There Is
It's less than 10 days- he would have had here on this earth. We had no idea. These days were his last. Each moment priceless. I step forward each day . Missing. Yet needing to press on. Washing, cleaning, cooking. Bills, groceries; life. Life that is holy. Purposeful. I check in with the kids and ask how they are. The sweet girl, more woman than girl, says she's fine. I push her. She looks at me and says, really, I am fine. He's better off. It's where I want to be. She's lost so ... View Post
Digging Deep; Just Not In Soil
The sun peaks through the clouds. It is still a little cool. We women gather on the farmhouse lawn. Steam rises from mugs of hot coffee and tea. We dig deep into the Word. Wrestling with how to live as Christ. Verse by verse we unpack the wisdom. There is openness and sharing. Women in community. I gaze around the group. One I mentored. Now married with a young child. Another visiting from out of state. Friends I know well. Some, the friendship, just unfolding. Women. Seeking to live differently. A ... View Post
I Snapped The Memory
I wake and I can feel the oppression. It is heavy. The weight of loss; the ache. Sometimes it's so hard to pray. I don't know what to say. It feels trivial. I've said it a hundred times already. God please be with me. Please, do not leave me. I pray Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. I say the verse over and over. I long for Him to strengthen me. To hold ... View Post
Being Molded Hurts
My washing machine is broken. It's been that way since Saturday. It's a 5 minute fix. A sensor that has repeatedly needed to be replaced over the past 4 years. 5 days, so far, of no laundry. With 6 people, a dairy farm and hot and humid weather this is a stinky situation. It is also one that is testing me to the core. I don't like the answer I was given. To wait one week to have a washer serviced is unacceptable in my book. I have paid for a maintenance warranty. I have expectations. They tell me I have options. I can rent a washer. My farmer says no. The last time the technicians ... View Post
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