She waves as she pulls away. It's Friday afternoon and she's full of life and plans. She is navigating friends, classes, work and this thing we call life. I look at her and she smiles. I wonder as she pulls away if I will ever see her again. Will she too never come home? I think of that with all the kids. Especially as they drive away. Not always. Sometimes. It flashes before me. And the gut wrenching desire to hold them all right here with me rears. I turn to go back into the house. I don't want to descend into worry or fear. But, Oh, how easy it would be. I take a moment to ... View Post
What Is Your Legacy?
Do you think about your legacy? I try to walk by faith; keeping my focus heavenward- On Jesus. I try to surrender my will. Pray for strength. Ask for forgiveness. I fall short. Each and every day. I don't live up to the expectations I know I should. I fail. Every single day. I can't keep the house clean. I can't cook the food fast enough, with enough for everyone or in the way everyone likes. I can't ever finish the laundry, book work or chores. I fail every day. And every day I am reminded of my failures because they are in front of me. The dirty house, unfinished ... View Post
May I Have Your Attention?
May I have your attention? Good. We have an announcement. And we'll have more coming up later this month! So, stay tuned. I haven't been writing. The busyness of the day, leaves me exhausted. Thoughts. Emotions. Tyranny of the urgent. I have run to the pen and paper and wrestled the thoughts there in a leather bound journal. Swirling, whirling ideas and feelings. These times are rich and full. Life. Graduations and new adventures. Visits with farmettes and their parents. The oldest pursuing a master's degree, the Nurse starting her job, the farm boy so busy with ... View Post
A Dog I didn’t Want
I didn't want him. I had no desire to have a dog. Definitely not an indoor dog. We live on a dairy farm; on a dirt road. I already struggle with a clean house and an indoor dog would not help. We had indulged our daughter with her purchase of a dog. Justified by small and hypo-allergenic. That sweet puppy, Pemberly, was hit by a car and died in my arms. 2 weeks later our son died in the middle of the night with me no where near. 2 months later my farmer was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and began a fight for his life. So getting a puppy or taking care of another ... View Post
Growing Up on a Farm
Growing up on a farm- I don't know what it's like; What the kids feel or think. . . Most talk about farming in the past. Nostalgically. Few enter the business. We're a 3rd generation farm. Probably the last. I ponder these things. Our Farm Boy is turning 20 today. He's adventurous and so talented. He's creative, and resourceful. Yet he's aching and longing for ways that are not our own. We want small and intimate. Community and connection. He wants bigger, better and faster. And the two worlds collide and there's ache on both sides. Growing up on a Farm. I don't know ... View Post
What Is This Longing I Feel Deep In My Soul?
I feel the longing, deep in my soul. I haven't felt that ache in a long time. It is gripping and searing hot. Photos of mom. Mother's Day. A beautiful post by Ann Voskamp. The searing, hot feeling lingers. The tears slip down my cheek. Oh, how I miss my mom. I long to see her. Her last months on this earth were agonizing. The ravages of cancer took her appetite, strength and voice. Yet it never touched her spirit. Confined to a wheel chair do to lack of strength, she stood, with arms raised high to praise our God at her grandsons baptism. Her spirit was a gift. Her ... View Post
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