It's his Birthday, once again. He'd be 26 today. 9 Birthdays in heaven. I can't seem to grasp the concept. This is the day he made me a mom. This is a day of great celebration. And so I enter the day apprehensively. I celebrate the 17 years I had. Once again. Good years. Fun years. Memories. Yet, I grieve at the loss. Once again. The ending. . . so soon. The loss of the future. And I vacillate. I still don't know how to do this. I am still unprepared at how I feel each year. That too is an unknown, until the day arrives. The loss of a child alters all that we ... View Post
There’s a Lot Brewing Here on the Farm Other Than Coffee!
The wind blows and the rain falls. There is a chill in the air after days of warmth. April. Unheard of. Odd. Yet so needed. This year has been full of the unexpected and unmet realities. Sharing early warmth has been delightful. A push to do all the things of summer. Yet, not yet time. So today the rain and chill slow things down a bit. They draw me back to the necessary. Coffee. Planning. Dreaming. More coffee. There has been a lot brewing here on the farm! And it's not just my coffee!!! We are now able to accommodate those folks who want to stop by the farm and pick ... View Post
The Sounds of This Old Farmhouse, 30 Days of Thankfulness, Day 16
The sounds of this old Farmhouse when the wind blows is comforting to me. It started out low and slow. Then picked up. This old farmhouse shook and creaked. The shutters rattled and banged. The wind whistled through the windows. The farm boy looked around and seemed shocked. It's as if he were hearing the sounds of this old farmhouse for the first time. It's amazing as you watch your children become adults- How they begin to look differently at things. My farmer closed up the basement windows. We turned on the fire. The kids pulled blankets from the basket and snuggled in. The ... View Post
Letting Go, 30 Days of Thankfulness, Day 10
I've begun the process of letting go. The hard work of looking at things and letting them go. You see for years I've held on to everything. Afraid to let it go. I might need it. It might trigger a good memory. It's. all. I. have. In quick succession I lost my past and my future. While I was reconciling my past (my mom). God called part of the future home (son). And I got stuck in that place. He almost allowed the present (my farmer) to be gone too. And in the grief walk process I held on to things, clinging to what has been and that which will never be. The "stuff" is ... View Post
Mama’s With Those Young Ones, 30 Days of Thankfulness, Day 9
Mama's with those young ones. I see you. I hear you. I watch you. It's a tricky time these days. Kids in school. Kids at home. Some at both. Mama's with those young ones. I see you. I hear you. I watch you. I, and many others, have been there before you. Not in a Pandemic. Not in these times. Know you are prayed for. Know you are doing a great job. Know that parenting is hard. It is work. It is exhausting. Mama's with those young ones. Laugh more. Let things go. Give thanks through the journey. The hard days when you're over-tired and feel worn to the core; dig ... View Post
The Real Work We Need to Do, 30 Days of Thankfulness Day 5
There is work. Then there is the real stuff. The soul work. The stuff no one wants to dig into. I've been feeling crabby most of the week. I'm not sure why. My kids have been great. My farmer is wonderful. We've been playing Christmas music as the first snow fell. So, there's no reason to be crabby. Yet I could still feel the sharp edge to my words. The lack of patience with requests. Frustration with book work not completed. Feeling the tension between being ok with being distracted and the need to feel organized. The real work we need to do is hard. It's stopping in those ... View Post
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