He'd be 74 today. His birthday so close to his first grandchild. Today. They celebrate together. In heaven. Life has been full here. School starting. College girl back to school. The oldest farm girl leaving those sweet farmettes to impart knowledge on the next generation. The farm boy restless again. Searching. Stretching. The younger two growing. Blossoming. Here I am in this sea of emotions. Swept along. Washing clothes, planning meals, doing bookwork. Discovering a quiet house every once in a while. A strange sound. Today, I think on my dad. I miss him. The whole ... View Post
It’s Time. . . Continued
He's not coming back. No matter how much I want him. 37 months today. How can that be? A glorious sunrise over the Mountain. Ushering another day. No matter how many nights I agonize over his death. He's not coming back. The youngest longs for her own space. Desires solitude. Much like her brother in so many ways. She moves some of her belongings to his room. She then asks me. This is not the first time. She has tried before to move into that space. The space painted and decorated for my first born son. A labor of love by his God father, Harold. My hopes and dreams. Now ... View Post
50 Years
It's been 50 years since this couple said I do. They are celebrating today, in heaven. Together. We miss them. My brothers and I. My sisters in law too. Their friends. Both gone too soon. Today. I choose to remember. The good. It could be bad. And it was definitely bad at times. Somehow. It always turned around. Wrongs; forgiven. Or forgotten. Tempers that would flare; pacified. A deep sense of commitment that transcended emotions or feelings. The commitment that walked through cancer and the memory thief. A love that digs deep and presses on. It ... View Post
When There is No Warning
Some days the missing is so great. It sneaks up. No warning. I can't change this. I am a mom. I want to fix things. Make it better. I am powerless. I call on the name of Jesus. Sometimes our burdens weigh us down. They threaten to crush and steal our joy. This is the journey of a mom whose son lies deep beneath the sod. The missing grips; tears at the inside. Our child; Flesh and blood, torn from us. I find other things to do. To distract myself. I think on the wonder of things. My children. Grandchildren. But the pain is too great. I need to walk through this. I ... View Post
It’s Time. . .Part 2
He left excited and jubilant. He hugged and kissed me. Assured me all would be well. You see. I didn't want him to go out. I told him repeatedly to just stay home. Bring his girl friend over to be with us. But he left. Giddy. I remember every detail. Blue eyes sparking. He came home in a pine box. The next time I saw him he was laying on a pillow that Chelsea used; on his comforter that matched his brothers. 7 months before I had said good bye to my mom. In a purple casket lined with frills and satin. I wanted none of that. There seemed to be nothing fancy about this kind of ... View Post
She’s Nineteen Today
There were 10 at the table. Not really planned. Evolved. And I was so content. Laughter. So many talking at once. Full. You see. Sometimes hard things come so fast and furious. Stepping into joy becomes work. You expect heartache. You expect things to not go right. So when joy shows up at the farmhouse table it catches me by surprise. We were celebrating the college girl a day early. Celebrating life. The day she entered this world. I marvel at this young woman. Courageous and strong. Willing to take risks. Beautiful. Fun. She loves fiercely. Things ... View Post
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