The emptiness lingers. The loss of a child. The days march on. The ebb and flow of life. There, in the space, lies the ache. Continual. The child we bore. No more. Their laughter and joy. Snuffed out so soon. The veil between heaven and earth so close. A breath away. The ache can pull one under. A conscience choice each day to step forward in grace. Advent begins again. 4 Advents since he left. 4 Christmases of reaching to hold on. Hope. Love. Today joy. The tree is in. Light illuminates this dark farmhouse. They twinkle and gleam. The house. Transformed; by ... View Post
Seek and You Shall Find Him
My mom's favorite time of year. She would transform her log cabin into the "Christmas House". Lights and magic happened there. Somehow she wove the magic and holiness of Christmas together in a beautiful package. A night when Heaven met earth; where a Jolly man dressed in red gave all he had. These two beliefs rooted deeply. Her presence lit up a room. Much like her grandson. Today. It's been 4 years since she drew her last breath. Surrounded by my dad and my sister in law, the Lord reached down to bring her to his side. An agonizing death. The clutches of cancer refusing to ... View Post
Here, I Linger
I shut off the lights. It's been a long day. Yet, I linger here. Here, where the heady scent of pine transports me to days gone by. I'm drowsy. The shadows play in my mind. Funny how night and sleepiness will do that. A mystical balance between wakefulness and slumber. I breathe in. Peace and joy. A time when I wondered if I would ever feel anything ever again. Here. I sit. In the quietness. This tree a symbol of life; in the same spot my son lay before we laid him in the ground. Death and life so closely intertwined. Yet life wins. Death has been conquered. I Corinthians ... View Post
What About #GivingDecember? Day #30 of Thankfulness
Another month comes to a close. The 30 Days of Thankfulness making way for Advent. The lights are hung. The tree in. Christmas Carols play most of the day. The girls are busy making lists and thinking of gifts to give. There is so much wrapped in this season. I think back over this month of Gratitude. Each year I change. I lose sight of the good easily. This practice reaches down to my very core and spurs me on. The idea of Giving Tuesday seemed to appear. There wasn't much warning on my part. Yet, I am pleasantly surprised at the heart of people. Giving. The opportunities ... View Post
Will You Give on Giving Tuesday? Day #29 of Thankfulness
The smell of haylage lingers. The cows are content in the early morning. Their routine. Care given in the choice of feed. Optimum milk production crucial to our existence. Diligence in so many areas. A farmers work is never done. He toils and spins even while he sleeps. He gives continually. As my farmer cares and provides for his animals his heart lingers in another country. He ponders better ways. He seeks wisdom. He longs to be free to go, yet loves the land he has been given to steward. So we pray. Do we go from one mess to another? Today is Giving Tuesday. The ... View Post
What Should I Give Him? Day #28 of Thankfulness
The invitation came. A friend and classmate of Elijah's had bought a house. A house warming. Another example of life marching on. Such a good thing for this young man. What an accomplishment. How proud. I resist the urge to wallow. They ask for Christmas Ornaments to hang on his tree. I think back to that time years ago. My first apartment. My first tree. The realization that I had not one ornament. Oh such a sweet memory. Tying bows from ribbon onto the branches. No lights. Tin foil over cardboard for a star on the top. Mine. Here I am decades later. In need of a gift for a ... View Post
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