It's less than 10 days- he would have had here on this earth. We had no idea. These days were his last. Each moment priceless. I step forward each day . Missing. Yet needing to press on. Washing, cleaning, cooking. Bills, groceries; life. Life that is holy. Purposeful. I check in with the kids and ask how they are. The sweet girl, more woman than girl, says she's fine. I push her. She looks at me and says, really, I am fine. He's better off. It's where I want to be. She's lost so ... View Post
How To Be Open And Ready
It's going to be hot. But there is a threat of rain. It amazes me how quickly our weather can change. The day will begin gorgeous and turn to torrents of rain in a moment. That volatility is what I feel with my emotions. Some days I am strong. I can make it through. I breathe deep and I can feel the power of the Holy Spirit giving strength. Other days I am consumed with a deep stabbing ache. Grief is hard work. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Our country; the church, have done a shameful thing in rushing ... View Post
I Am Found
Each day I read last years post. Counting down the days of his life. Searching for meaning. Something I have missed. Like an addict looking for a hit. I want to see something. I long for just a glimpse. It consumes me; if I let it. How I want to touch or feel something connected to him. These final days of his life. He would live for 19 more days. That is it. I didn't know. My son. Full of hope; a future. We were mourning the loss of our puppy. Still grieving my mom, my parents dog, my dad's ... View Post
I Fear She Will Forget
Today is the anniversary of Davis Farm's first blog post. Little did I know then how this blog would become an outlet for my expression through deep grief and cancer. How I would wrestle with all things eternal. It seems like just yesterday that Gary and the kids went off to the Williston Parade. As usual there had been much activity. It was nice to have a few moments to myself. I can't remember what I did with those moments. I am sure I made an ice cream cake for Eleanor's birthday. I probably wrote the post. But most ... View Post
This Sea Of Emotions
I dream I am waking him up and he looks at me with those big blue eyes. It is the first time I have dreamed about Elijah since God called him home. It was so real. I woke sad. I fought through the day to focus on that which was positive. To count my blessings. To remember Elijah is with the King of Kings. His work finished here on this earth. He now reigns in Glory. Never to experience pain or hurt. Revelation 21:4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the ... View Post
Fill My Cup
She stands at my door. She who has lost much. My mind flashes to the first time I saw her at my door. She and her beloved husband. Standing there. He, with his mug ready for filling. Hot coffee was needed. A twinkle in his eye. A kindred spirit. She stood there quiet while I filled his cup. She now stands in the same space. But the life long partner has been called home. She stands taller. More sure of herself. She gives me encouragement. She fills my cup. Isn't that what we need to do? Aren't ... View Post
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