The night the lights went out, my oldest farm boy met Jesus. He hit the telephone pole by the bank and the lights went out. The town was in darkness as my boy breathed his last. I walked around our home stepping into praise as I moved; in darkness. Praise for my legs, for hot water, for a shower, for clothing. A practice needed to walk through the darkest time in my life. He left this earth shy of his 18th birthday, and before his ship date to Parris Island. Tonight, our youngest farm boy embarks on a 54 our journey to become a United States Marine. The journey his brother never ... View Post
When Your Day Goes South
My day started off pretty decent before it went South. Coffee. The Ancient Word. A few moments of quiet. Then the derailing began. Just little things, here and there. I prayed. I tried to surrender each thing. Then I was blind sided. We took a hit here on the farm that we weren't expecting. My flesh reared it's ugly head. I wanted to lash out. My farmer wanted to lash out. But, he, in His wisdom spoke truth. Here we are facing another hurdle. Another slam in the face of all that we've gone through. But you know what? I feel relieved. A burden seems to be lifted. While ... View Post
4 and a Half Years
It's been 4 and a half years since I've seen your handsome face. I long to hear you call me mom. Crystal shared a video of you today. Just the sound of your voice brought me to my knees with missing. I think the ache will leave. I believe it will fade away. But. It doesn't. It is still there. The piercing, gut wrenching ache. But. You know what. I'm ok with the ache. A companion. It reminds me of the gift you were to me. Our prayed for child after our deep loss of our first baby. 17 years of watching you grow and learn. I had a gift; a treasure. Death can not steal those ... View Post
Grateful, All The Time
My waking thoughts are gratitude. A grateful heart. Temperatures have fallen and the house is a mere 56 degrees. I run the dryer and turn on the gas fire. I wrap a shawl around my shoulders as I pour my hot coffee. Each morning my farmer prepares my coffee. A timer set to brew moments before I wake. I am grateful. These frigid temperatures make everything more difficult. My farmer works extra hard to manage the farm. He adds extra layers of clothing, his primary concern; the cows. With a partial roof over the barn the cows have a bit of reprieve from the brutal weather. I am ... View Post
And. . . It’s 2018! A New Year!
It's 2018. A New Year. The icy blast has left temperature in the New Year below zero. So far below, in fact, our vehicles would not start. My farmer left chores to come down and get both the college girls car and my van started. There is work and school to go to. But it is cold. Stepping into a New Year is still so difficult. We move further and further away from the life with our son. It is heart wrenching, yet I am powerless to stop the New Year from coming. Do I really want to? 2018 promises to be full of new beginnings. Our farm boy will graduate from Boot Camp from Parris ... View Post
It’s Christmas
It's quiet. There is a noticeable hush over the farmhouse. Morning milking is still in progress. Such a slow process. The cows are dirty and wet from being outside. My farmer works so hard. This added burden- hard. The Christmas mornings of glee and boundless energy. . . gone. All but memories now. Instead, there is a comfortable quiet. Deep remembering. Much joy. It's still a different kind of Christmas. But that's ok. Heaven came down and touched earth. The greatest gift ever given. Today we rejoice in that gift. We receive; that which we do not deserve. Merry Christmas ... View Post
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