And. . . It’s 2018! A New Year!

It’s 2018.
A New Year.
The icy blast has left temperature in the New Year below zero.
So far below, in fact, our vehicles would not start.
My farmer left chores to come down and get both the college girls car and my van started.
There is work and school to go to.
But it is cold.

Stepping into a New Year is still so difficult.
We move further and further away from the life with our son.
It is heart wrenching, yet I am powerless to stop the New Year from coming.

Do I really want to?

2018 promises to be full of new beginnings.
Our farm boy will graduate from Boot Camp from Parris Island.
Our college girl will be one year closer to serving those in the Nursing Field.
Her dreams before her.
Our dancer girl had this happen on the second day of 2018.

So much excitement for her.
How can I deny these blessings by longing for what’s behind?

Day three of the New Year warmed up a bit to 21 degrees.
It felt like a heat wave.
The sun was shining and I hung out our laundry.

There is nothing like the smell of freshly dried laundry; especially in the middle of winter.
My night gown and towels smelled so good.
I breathed in the fresh air scent.
The temperatures will fall back down into the negative numbers.
Places all along the East Coast are receiving inches and inches of snow.
I’m trying to be present in all these things.
I want to live and experience all that God is placing before me.
It is hard and I work to remember and to appreciate all that is before me.
It’s 2018.
I will turn a half century and we will celebrate our Silver Wedding Anniversary.
So strange how quickly time passes.
It slips through our fingers without even realizing.
Years, turn to decades in moments.
And somewhere along this life, I blinked and here I am at the start of a New Year.

People talk of resolutions and words for the year.
Goals are set and expectations set.
I have grown weary from all the goal setting and failed resolutions.
It seems no matter what goal I set or ambitious resolutions I make, something happens to change them.
I never complete the plans I make.
Instead God reaches in each year, he nudges and pushes and molds my days into His.
He has the plan.
He has the goal.
I am learning that my resolution needs only to be to wait upon the Lord.

He calls me into His presence to listen and wait.

There has been much of the last 5 years that I have felt that He has been silent.
I have felt overwhelmed.

I wonder if He is there?
Does He see how much has been heaped in a short time?
I struggle as our barn rebuild has slowed down.
Trusses that need setting.
Yet temperatures and wind chill creating an unsafe work environment.
Cows that are desperately needing shelter.
Yet nothing seems to be going as quickly as I feel it should be.

It is when I reflect and look back that I am able to see the hand of God in so many instances.
They aren’t in the big, loud and crashing kind of moments.

They are in the quiet.
Times when a friend reaches out.
When the sun peeks over the mountain illuminating this farm with an amber glow.

A deep sense of gratitude for such beauty.
When I look,  I see the strength in the Ancient Word reminding me to persevere.

My life is not what I had expected.
Parenting is not what I had dreamed it would be.
Yet, I know that God has ordained all these plans before the dawn of time.
He is with us every step of the way.
He is working His plan.
And it is good.
He calms the inner angst.
He guides us through each new hurdle.
Even though He seems quiet; he is at work.
He is bringing about His purposes.
I just need to be still.
As this new day dawns and this New Year is upon us my hope is to continue to trust.
To wait on Gods promises and to rest in His ways.
I surrender all my expectations and desires before God.
I open my hands to receive all that God will place in them.
I want 2018 to be about Him.
I want to be used for His glory to bring hope and restoration to His people.
Won’t you join me in laying down your expectations and allowing God to do His greatest work in us?