I walk by his room. I lean into the doorway. It's a habit now. I breathe in deep. I softly call his name. I just want to hear it. I long for him to be bustling around late for something. He was always late. Couldn't find what he needed. So much like me. So many days it's the same endless feelings. Desire vs. Reality. Skinny vs Plus size. Clean house vs Messy. The desire to have studied more; the reality of failing. On and on it goes. We can run scenario after scenario of situations where ... View Post
Leaning Into The Leprechauns: Somedays It’s Just Do The Next Thing
Years of teaching leaves me with traditions that promote the creativity in the young ones. It's Saint Patrick's Day Eve. There are traps to make. Catching a Leprechaun takes over all their senses. There is pure delight. I have relished every year of watching the traps being built. Such ingenuity. Some more glamorous than others. Those silly creatures turn over the chairs and tear the room apart. And always leave a Pot O' Gold. The milk turns green. Last year the resident redhead discovered even the toilet ... View Post
When Yesterday Is 7 Months Gone
Dear Elijah, It's been more than half a year since your feet have walked this earth; since time stood still and my heart broke in two. I can't believe that much time has passed. It feels like yesterday. 7 months of not my will, but thine. 7 months of learning to live a path I didn't ask for; death, cancer, treatments, grace. We all miss you a ton. Each day dawns with thoughts of you and remembering you're not with us. We all feel so incomplete without you here. It's hard to figure out how to do this walk. I miss your smile and the sound of your voice. I miss being your mom. I miss ... View Post
Monday Musings: How To Really Get Your Heart’s Desire
As the deer panteth for the water. We sing it in church. The Youth are leading Worship. My soul longeth after you. I sigh as we start to sing. It's one of those over sung praise songs. And I think it's lost it's meaning; until we sing this next line. You alone are my heart's desire And I wonder, is He alone my heart's desire? Is He all I really want? I know the answer to the question. I keep on singing. And I long to worship thee. You alone are my strength my shield To you alone may my spirit yield. You alone are my ... View Post
Looking Forward To Spring
There is tension as we step towards spring. Equipment needs to be greased and oiled; repairs completed. Yet there is snow on the ground and the tease of spring seems ages away; though it rests just around the corner. All the while the daily milking and chores continue. The longer days give way to cold nights. Warm days and crisp nights brings the flow of sap. All of creation knowing what role it plays. The cows are making less milk each day. This is a journey we take every year. Each cow needs a wee vacation before she ... View Post
Do You Have A Hope And A Future?
We stopped at the Diner on the way home. I just love that place. 2 different strangers, now friends, sent gift certificates so we could go. It seems to be a good place after the hospital. The booths bring comfort. The coffee; hot and delicious. The food; just perfect. We talk. We make plans. It's the we that is so exciting. Recently I have done most of the talking. (Ok, so, I usually do most of the talking) But this time he shared too. It was wonderful. We talked about plans for the Spring. A plan. Things that ... View Post
