The geese are making noise. A few trees have begun their colorful transformation. The nights have cooled and we found ourselves wrapped in blankets yesterday. A reminder that winter is fast approaching. Another fall. Another without my son. Our family still reels at the thought of life without Elijah. Every fiber of our being longs for his presence. Yet we press on. We step forward. We are seeking and reaching for the path God wants us to take. Each day I strive to live fully. The unknowns rise before me; the tempest at ... View Post
Remembering The Promise
The wind blows. It stirs me awake. I want to snuggle down and stay in bed. Some days I don't want to get up. This is one. I sigh under the weight of remembering. I fling my thoughts heavenward. I get coffee. This life is hard. The darkness hovers now; earlier. My favorite time of year. I want to see beauty yet marred by deep sadness. Plans are hard to make. So much clutters my mind. Time marching forward. Moving further and further from the accident. Further from my son. Yet ... View Post
His Ways. . .Not Mine
Many came to help ready the farm for guests. There are so many details. My head spins. The weather could be an issue. I want it to be sunny. I don't want to have tents. I want to sit out in the open. But that is not the case. It may rain; It may not. How do you decide? So much of our walk in life is about letting go. Changing our expectations. If we just trust God. Isaiah 55:9 As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Put aside our desires and ... View Post
Even In The Searing Pain; We are Not Abandoned
I want to avoid his room. I haven't been in for a while. Sometimes the weight of the pain is crushing. I bring laundry up the stairs and turn away quickly. I pick up and work for a while. When it's time to go downstairs. I avoid looking. It's been a year. . . and a week. How can I do this long term? How can I survive this piercing pain? Some days it is so hard to function. I am distracted. Unsettled. Sad. Each moment needing to change my focus and reach for more. Seeking the beauty in the ... View Post
May Hope Find You
The music plays in the background. A song, somehow, I have not heard before. A story needing to be told. Another taken so young. It is staggering how many young men have been called home in a single car accident. Young men. Mama's sons. Daddy's boys. Sibilings. Children of God. The couple on the video tell their story. Their words resonate with my heart. This is not our home. This is not where we belong. It is the reminder. This journey is not over. We are heading ... View Post
Keep Our Wicks Trimmed And Burning
I stood in the field and watched. Lanterns to remember. His classmates gathered together. Remembering. Prayers taking flight. Each lantern rose higher and higher. Lights dotting the already starlit night. I wanted to reach out and somewhere find him in the group. I longed to see him. Missing him deeply. Each lantern aglow, floating heavenward. Beauty. Peace. As I gazed around, I wondered, how many know that soul searching peace? Two men, sons taken before them. Stepping together through the fiercest of times. We ... View Post
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